Room 101

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Three things that are really pissing me off at the moment.

1) Utter, utter w**nkers that are in a lane coming to a Roundabout, which is clearly arrowed turn left or straight ahead, and decide to use the centrifugal force of nature to hug the outer fringe of the roundabout and take the third, fouth or any other exit beyond, cutting you up. w**nkers!

2)Those Manchester University students who are taking Diversity to a level even lower than Ronnie Corbetts arse.

They have decided to rename the toilets as "Urinals" and "non Urinals" as Ladies and gents no longer cover every base, what with not everbody nowdays being an Arthur or a Martha. Naturally any pervert only need exclaim that they are undergoing gender therapy, or whatever its called, to be allowed straight into a Toilet of their choice to oggle Genitalia.

These "Students" are the future movers, shakers and Politicians of the Labour party or summat ( nicked that from you, Mary) well we are all f*****g doomed.

3) People that are nasty to people that dont deserve it. There are lovely people out there hurting, its not fair!

[Handrejka 1,904]

If Win can use this thread to moan about work then so can I. One particular colleague of mine is very annoying. Here are her main faults

 

- She has no volume control, she shouts at everyone as if they're hard of hearing. Tip, if people 400 metres away in a very busy office can hear you, you're too sodding loud.

- She butts in and interupts when you're discussing something with something else but if you ask her something directly she ignores you. We've got round this one though by deliberatly not asking her when we want her to answer something.

- She talks to herself, now we all mutter to ourself sometimes but as I've already said she has no volume control so she shouts to herself. She also stares at people when she's doing this so you're left wondering if she's talking to you or not.

- She gives running commentaries on calls she's supposed to be listening to, calls which are meant to be private. There's no way she can actually be doing her job and because of all this we're not able to concentrate on ours

- She's off sick anytime we bring this up leaving us with more work

- She's nasty to most people and huffs and puffs when asked to do anything

- She hides paper work in her cupboard then wonders why it's not been done

- She's dyslexic (nothing wrong with that, so am I) but she refuses to let anyone check over her work then gets annoyed when asked to do it again.

- She's in her forties and old enough to know better.

 

Right I feel much better now. I'm sure I must do things to annoy people too but I'll happily aknowldge that. She won't.

[Terminator 13]

If Win can use this thread to moan about work then so can I. One particular colleague of mine is very annoying. Here are her main faults

 

- She has no volume control, she shouts at everyone as if they're hard of hearing. Tip, if people 400 metres away in a very busy office can hear you, you're too sodding loud.

- She butts in and interupts when you're discussing something with something else but if you ask her something directly she ignores you. We've got round this one though by deliberatly not asking her when we want her to answer something.

- She talks to herself, now we all mutter to ourself sometimes but as I've already said she has no volume control so she shouts to herself. She also stares at people when she's doing this so you're left wondering if she's talking to you or not.

- She gives running commentaries on calls she's supposed to be listening to, calls which are meant to be private. There's no way she can actually be doing her job and because of all this we're not able to concentrate on ours

- She's off sick anytime we bring this up leaving us with more work

- She's nasty to most people and huffs and puffs when asked to do anything

- She hides paper work in her cupboard then wonders why it's not been done

- She's dyslexic (nothing wrong with that, so am I) but she refuses to let anyone check over her work then gets annoyed when asked to do it again.

- She's in her forties and old enough to know better.

 

Sounds like quite a catch for Banshee Screams......

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

If Win can use this thread to moan about work then so can I. One particular colleague of mine is very annoying. Here are her main faults

 

- She has no volume control, she shouts at everyone as if they're hard of hearing. Tip, if people 400 metres away in a very busy office can hear you, you're too sodding loud.

- She butts in and interupts when you're discussing something with something else but if you ask her something directly she ignores you. We've got round this one though by deliberatly not asking her when we want her to answer something.

- She talks to herself, now we all mutter to ourself sometimes but as I've already said she has no volume control so she shouts to herself. She also stares at people when she's doing this so you're left wondering if she's talking to you or not.

- She gives running commentaries on calls she's supposed to be listening to, calls which are meant to be private. There's no way she can actually be doing her job and because of all this we're not able to concentrate on ours

- She's off sick anytime we bring this up leaving us with more work

- She's nasty to most people and huffs and puffs when asked to do anything

- She hides paper work in her cupboard then wonders why it's not been done

- She's dyslexic (nothing wrong with that, so am I) but she refuses to let anyone check over her work then gets annoyed when asked to do it again.

- She's in her forties and old enough to know better.

 

Right I feel much better now. I'm sure I must do things to annoy people too but I'll happily aknowldge that. She won't.

You do things to annoy people? NEVER!!!!!

[Lady Grendel 139]

RAF Tornado Jets practising manoeuvres over my part of the country. The noise they make as they fly low is deafening and sounds like they are about to crash right into you, it's fine if you are outside, but when in the house it's pretty terrifying if it catches you unawares. I've been ill all week and went for a sleep yesterday afternoon only to wake up 1/2 an hour later as two of them went overhead and I could have sworn they were just about to crash into the house . There have been a lot of them in the last fortnight and I've noticed they are out and about practising night manoeuvres too, although at a higher altitude, so less noisy, the last time there was this much activity was just before 'we' invaded Iraq, I really hope it's just an intesive training programme and isn't a portent of things to come .

[halleluyahjohntudor 5]

RAF Tornado Jets practising manoeuvres over my part of the country. The noise they make as they fly low is deafening and sounds like they are about to crash right into you, it's fine if you are outside, but when in the house it's pretty terrifying if it catches you unawares. I've been ill all week and went for a sleep yesterday afternoon only to wake up 1/2 an hour later as two of them went overhead and I could have sworn they were just about to crash into the house . There have been a lot of them in the last fortnight and I've noticed they are out and about practising night manoeuvres too, although at a higher altitude, so less noisy, the last time there was this much activity was just before 'we' invaded Iraq, I really hope it's just an intesive training programme and isn't a portent of things to come .

 

Be very afraid - thanks to the boy Salmond, top people in the military have been planning a strike on anyone north o'the border who likes the idea of free school meals for 5-7 year-olds. Either take a packed lunch, or you're toast.

[Windsor 2,233]

If Win can use this thread to moan about work then so can I.

 

You'll find that, being a free service, it is cheaper than a shrink.

 

Anyway, what has pissed me off today....

 

Stagecoach have recently brought in those bendy buses.

I was quite happy when I first heard about this because they seat more people, so I need not be left standing at the bus stop in the cold with a bus full of Christmas shopper.

Unfortunately they are shite.

If I have to sit on those buses for over an hour a sitting, I'm probably going to end up with pneumonia. I was bloody freezing today - and that was with gloves and a scarf. I think I've finally found the real reason behind the Salmond-Souter partnership. Salmond gives Souter a Monopoly in certain areas, and in exchange Souter kills off a number of pensioners (inticed by the promise of free travel). Anyway - it is too cold. If I'm cold now, I'm not looking forward to winter coming.

[Tuber Mirum 125]

Now come Windsor, let's not get too previous.

 

Perhaps the bus just didn't have the heating on. Did you try asking the driver? Nicely?

Or perhaps the heating was broken or the (very likely immigrant and not too good at English yet) driver hadn't learned how to work it yet.

 

Really Windsor you are such an old wifie sometimes.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

RAF Tornado Jets practising manoeuvres over my part of the country. The noise they make as they fly low is deafening and sounds like they are about to crash right into you, it's fine if you are outside, but when in the house it's pretty terrifying if it catches you unawares. I've been ill all week and went for a sleep yesterday afternoon only to wake up 1/2 an hour later as two of them went overhead and I could have sworn they were just about to crash into the house . There have been a lot of them in the last fortnight and I've noticed they are out and about practising night manoeuvres too, although at a higher altitude, so less noisy, the last time there was this much activity was just before 'we' invaded Iraq, I really hope it's just an intesive training programme and isn't a portent of things to come .

Ah, I know exactly what you are experiencing LG.

I live about 5 miles (as the crow flies) from RAF Marham and about 20 miles from Mildenhall and Lakenheath USAF bases (you know when you are near those by seeing all the LHD cars laying in ditches with their owners half dead in Hospitals- God awful drivers)

The noise around here some days is bloody ridiculous!!

I have to say tho, the most frightening thing occoured about 3 months ago. There was I up a pole in a forest when I heard this horrific noise. I looked up to see a fleet of huge Helicopters no more than 100ft up flying past in formation. The noise was like nothing I had ever heard before, terrifying and awesome.

I want to fly Helicopters!

[Pretty In Pink 1]

One of my work colleagues, Roger. He drives me up the wall for the following reasons:

 

1) He is totally incapable of doing his job

 

2) He is incapable of admitting when he is wrong (which is 99% of the time)

 

3) He NEVER says thank you when you help him

 

4) He is the reason our team meetings last for 6 hours at a time (there are only 4 of us in the office!)

 

5) He thinks he knows everything

 

6) He smells

 

7) He thinks the world owes him a favour

 

8) He has no sense of humour

 

9) He has a herd of cows he doesnt look after properly - strange but true

 

10) When he gets angry, he turns a violent shade of purple and stares at his desk refusing to speak. No - he's not a toddler, he's in his 50's.

 

I'm sure I'll think of some more reasons why Roger should be in Room 101. If you met him, you'd understand.

[TAFKAG 70]

RAF Tornado Jets practising manoeuvres over my part of the country. The noise they make as they fly low is deafening and sounds like they are about to crash right into you, it's fine if you are outside, but when in the house it's pretty terrifying if it catches you unawares. I've been ill all week and went for a sleep yesterday afternoon only to wake up 1/2 an hour later as two of them went overhead and I could have sworn they were just about to crash into the house . There have been a lot of them in the last fortnight and I've noticed they are out and about practising night manoeuvres too, although at a higher altitude, so less noisy, the last time there was this much activity was just before 'we' invaded Iraq, I really hope it's just an intesive training programme and isn't a portent of things to come .

Ah, I know exactly what you are experiencing LG.

I live about 5 miles (as the crow flies) from RAF Marham and about 20 miles from Mildenhall and Lakenheath USAF bases (you know when you are near those by seeing all the LHD cars laying in ditches with their owners half dead in Hospitals- God awful drivers)

The noise around here some days is bloody ridiculous!!

I have to say tho, the most frightening thing occoured about 3 months ago. There was I up a pole in a forest when I heard this horrific noise. I looked up to see a fleet of huge Helicopters no more than 100ft up flying past in formation. The noise was like nothing I had ever heard before, terrifying and awesome.

I want to fly Helicopters!

I won't ask.

[honez 79]

e to say tho, the most frightening thing occoured about 3 months ago. There was I up a pole in a forest when I heard this horrific noise.

I won't ask.

[Grammar Police]I believe Pole is a proper noun.[/Grammar Police]

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

e to say tho, the most frightening thing occoured about 3 months ago. There was I up a pole in a forest when I heard this horrific noise.

I won't ask.

[Grammar Police]I believe Pole is a proper noun.[/Grammar Police]

Is that specific to Pole as in Telephone Pole or specific to Pole as in Polish, native of Poland.

As I didnt specify what kind of "Pole" I was up, could you please clarify for me Honez?

[honez 79]

e to say tho, the most frightening thing occoured about 3 months ago. There was I up a pole in a forest when I heard this horrific noise.

I won't ask.

[Grammar Police]I believe Pole is a proper noun.[/Grammar Police]

Is that specific to Pole as in Telephone Pole or specific to Pole as in Polish, native of Poland.

As I didnt specify what kind of "Pole" I was up, could you please clarify for me Honez?

Surely you meant a native of Poland?

I mean, climbing a telegraph pole in a forest is plainly absurd; whereas engaging in sexual congress with an Eastern European in heavily shrubbed woodlands, is something almost everyone will experience at some stage or other.

[Paul Bearer 6,102]

whereas engaging in sexual congress with an Eastern European in heavily shrubbed woodlands, is something almost everyone will experience at some stage or other.

 

Oh yes! Ya beauty!!! Where is this forest?

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

I was thinking more along the lines of LFN being a weekend Stylite. Atop his pole, contemplating life.

[Handrejka 1,904]

My next door neighbour and his inability to turn his bathroom light out. The noise from the ventilator pisses me off to the point that one day I'll probably go round there and flush his sodding head down the loo. Then there are the windchimes, the gentleman callers and the five noisy westies.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

My next door neighbour and his inability to turn his bathroom light out. The noise from the ventilator pisses me off to the point that one day I'll probably go round there and flush his sodding head down the loo. Then there are the windchimes, the gentleman callers and the five noisy westies.

 

I sympathise. At this very moment, above the sound of my own television I can hear my next door neighbours Xbox, or whatever it is, he's playing some Star Wars game or something. The first time he played it and bombed something, I genuinely thought my house was falling down. My daughter regularly comes in from her bedroom (which does not even share a wall with the neighbour) and say 'wow mum can you hear the storm' - no love, it's next door's f*****g telly. I have tried to broach the subject politely, but they just laughed it off as he has a hearing problem apparently due to scuba diving. Lovely guy, but quite obviously deaf as a f*****g post. He and his wife also have very loud sex. Many's the night I've had to dig around in my drawers (!) for my ipod to drown out the sounds. Bastards. I'm getting none.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

My next door neighbour and his inability to turn his bathroom light out. The noise from the ventilator pisses me off to the point that one day I'll probably go round there and flush his sodding head down the loo. Then there are the windchimes, the gentleman callers and the five noisy westies.

 

I sympathise. At this very moment, above the sound of my own television I can hear my next door neighbours Xbox, or whatever it is, he's playing some Star Wars game or something. The first time he played it and bombed something, I genuinely thought my house was falling down. My daughter regularly comes in from her bedroom (which does not even share a wall with the neighbour) and say 'wow mum can you hear the storm' - no love, it's next door's f*****g telly. I have tried to broach the subject politely, but they just laughed it off as he has a hearing problem apparently due to scuba diving. Lovely guy, but quite obviously deaf as a f*****g post. He and his wife also have very loud sex. Many's the night I've had to dig around in my drawers (!) for my ipod to drown out the sounds. Bastards. I'm getting none.

Awwww, Lardy, keep the faith!

Dont be so polite. Next time, go round and kick the sh*t outta him.

[DevonDeathTrip 2,358]

Accidently treading on snails. I seem to be doing it alot at the moment. Just walking along wishing no harm to anything and suddenly my peace is polluted by a sickly molluscan crunch. It must be a horrible way to die. I always instinctively apologise "Oh I'm sorry", like that does the poor mashed creature any good.

[Madame Defarge 21]

Accidently treading on snails. I seem to be doing it alot at the moment. Just walking along wishing no harm to anything and suddenly my peace is polluted by a sickly molluscan crunch. It must be a horrible way to die. I always instinctively apologise "Oh I'm sorry", like that does the poor mashed creature any good.

 

You must be a very nice man to care about stuff like that. And BTW:

 

There once was a man from South Wales

Who was constantly treading on snails

Til they put up a sign

With a big bright design

Saying nO fEETEs ALoWEd on AR Trails .

[Godot 149]

King-sized beds.

 

Mrs G can never look a gift horse in the mouth without jumping down its throat. So when our neighbours went abroad and offered us their swanky king-sized bed she said: "Yes please."

 

I thought a change would be good. For all of our married life we've used a double bed and although it works fine I thought I would appreciate a night without a knee in my kidneys. It took ages to hoof the bed upstairs and get the old one downstairs and in to the garage.

 

Then we had to shift all the bedroom furniture to squeeze this bed in to place. Result: vast expanse of bed, big enough for the FA cup final. We then went shopping for new sheets etc only to find there is something called "super king-sized" which, apparently, is what we have. So nothing fitted.

 

That was two nights ago. I know this because the last night I slept was three nights ago. I'm clinging to the edge of the bed because I daren't go wandering in to the middle in case I never get back. It's a different kind of mattress too which gives me backache.

 

Mrs G can't sleep either and this morning some early skirmishing erupted in to World War III which very quickly went nuclear. So here I am, huddled foetus-like in my fall-out shelter with a lap top, a packet of Bisto and six months stock of Soylent Green. To sleep, perchance to dream - ay, there's the rub.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Accidently treading on snails. I seem to be doing it alot at the moment. Just walking along wishing no harm to anything and suddenly my peace is polluted by a sickly molluscan crunch. It must be a horrible way to die. I always instinctively apologise "Oh I'm sorry", like that does the poor mashed creature any good.

Why am I getting vivid images of Neil from "The Young Ones" when I read this?

 

 

[DevonDeathTrip 2,358]

Accidently treading on snails. I seem to be doing it alot at the moment. Just walking along wishing no harm to anything and suddenly my peace is polluted by a sickly molluscan crunch. It must be a horrible way to die. I always instinctively apologise "Oh I'm sorry", like that does the poor mashed creature any good.

Why am I getting vivid images of Neil from "The Young Ones" when I read this?

 

 

 

Possibly because your perception is slightly skewed.

 

[Pretty In Pink 1]

Accidently treading on snails. I seem to be doing it alot at the moment. Just walking along wishing no harm to anything and suddenly my peace is polluted by a sickly molluscan crunch. It must be a horrible way to die. I always instinctively apologise "Oh I'm sorry", like that does the poor mashed creature any good.

 

I HATE treading on snails! It makes me feel sick. They're such harmless little things. It ruins my day.

 

When I walk down the street and its snail - esque weather, I keep an eye out for them. I pick up any that are in the firing line from feet and move them to safer places like a wall or under a bush etc.

 

I think I may have too much time on my hands!