Death In The Family

[grobler 35]

May I offer my deepest sympathy also . Words are inadequate .

I am an only child who has only ever been to 1 funeral (grannie of my wife...I hardly knew her) . I am so unexposed to death....and I'm nearly 50 .

My Mother is struggling these days...she clings to life for as long as she can purely to bank another weeks pension/disability that she can give to her grandchildren for university fees .

I dread the day when she is no more........

Just remember all the good things about her Hein......it might help a little....

[Death Watch Beatle 41]

Hang in there, pal.

 

DWB

[Guest Guest_timeline_*]

Dear Magere Hein

Please accept my condolences for the loss of your mother, you are not alone, all of our thoughts are with you. Time really will help to ease your grief, be kind to yourself as this is what your mother would have wanted. She is free to go on now to her next phase of existance as we all shall in time. Be comforted, timeline.

[Magere Hein 1,400]

Last Saturday we had the cremation and a memorial service. It wasn't a grand and busy affair, but it worked. Several relatives whom I hadn't seen since the funeral of her brother a year ago were present and one second cousin of my dad whom I hadn't seen in ten years or so. Afterwards we had a bit of a bite and a few drinks and as happens in such circumstances the mood became quite cheerful.

 

I thank all members who wrote in this topic, or in PM, for their kind words. I'm getting used to the idea that my mother's no longer around. I know my grief will eventually pass.

 

regards,

Hein

[Lady Die 63]

A belated addition from me. My deepest sympathy to you, MH.

 

Remember the good times...

[pulphack 6]

Apologies for being tardy in adding my condolences. Don't know you well enough to say anything else of worth, but having lost a parent a long time ago now, I can remember how awful it felt.

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

I didn't quite know where to place this.

 

Apologies if I upset anyone due to my misplaceage (it might be a word! If not, it damn well should be), but I hope my old friend, MH, would give me his blessing. Certainly the mods would not have blessed a new thread entiltled 'My dog, my mum...one's dead, one's dying!'

 

Allow me to explain.

 

A few weeks ago my dog died. After 14 years by my side. I had to put him to sleep, the arthritis in his hinds legs meant he had no standard of life and he was in such pain that I had to carry him outside to the garden every time he needed the toilet. He was a greyhound/lurcher, so this was no easy task. Anyway, he was in my arms as the vet put him to sleep and I didn't think I'd ever cry so much again.

 

A week after that, my Auntie Iris died. She was nearly 90, lived half her life with the after effects of a stroke but the end was peaceful.

 

Then, last week, my mother's cancer was deemed inoperable. Apparently two years would be an outside bet.

 

So, as you might think, my life is a little, well, sh*t at the moment.

 

I say all this because I've been a little down recently and my wife said 'but isn't this what your death list is for? To make you feel better?'

 

So, I thought I'd try and write how I feel, amongst friends, and explain why I won't be round for a while.

 

It's easy to joke about death, just not when you're in the middle of a field surrounded by it.

 

BHB

[Banshees Scream 110]

So, as you might think, my life is a little, well, sh*t at the moment.

 

BHB

 

You know man, what you realize from sh*t like this is 'Life has great timing!'... f****n kick me while I'm down ... but the constant mentality that you have to keep at this point 'is a courageous one' and most of all a mentality that lives for today, not a mentality that lives in the past and not one that dwells on the misfortunes of the future. The main concern you should have is 'The Now' and the best way to deal with pain is to talk about it, and it might not be easy but you have to come to terms with yourself on a way to keep the circumstances on a optimistic level, rather then letting them deprive you from being yourself and most of all 'what you still have and love'

 

Your job now is to be there, and you need to be supportive. I've had some hard times in my life where not everything worked out the way I planned it, and at a cost that really took it's toll on me.

 

The advice that I can give you is 'to believe' and trust the confidence in yourself. This is what you need to maintain and remember.

 

Good luck

 

'

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

Brinny, you have my deepest condolences as well as my admiration for your fine choice in dogs.

[maryportfuncity 10,639]

Go well BHB, this little diversion of a site will doubtless stumble on whilst you're spending larger amounts of time elsewhere. Which is where it matters most at the moment.

[Godot 149]

Hey BHB, yes that does sound sh*t. I feel for you, man. Your dog, your mother and a favourite aunt. Mums and aunts are irreplaceable but get a new dog quickly. Spend time with your mum and be there at the end if you possibly can. Seeing her out probably won't make any difference to her but it will make things easier for you. I'm writing from experience.

 

your virtual chum,

 

Godot

[Gunjaman5000 30]

It's been 24 years since we had our black lab Seamus put down due to the same crippling arthritis. I was a baby when Dad brought him home so "we wouldn't grow up scared of dogs". I smile when I think of 'Superdog' and how crap he must have looked in his cape, although he looked to me like he really could fly. I smile when I think of how his poor record was against the Christians for a lion (we had a brief Roman period in our house thanks to some armour gifted by a well meaning realative). I smile when I see my kids point him out in photos and talk about him as if they knew him.

 

Mum died of cancer five years ago, it's still a bit soon for wholesale smiling, but I smile when I think she gave me so much to remember and smile about.

 

I wish you well BHB, sad times ahead.

[Slave to the Grave 26]

So sorry BHB.

 

SttG (who would like to add her name to your list of dog choice admirers).

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

I do feel for you BHB.

Why does it all seem to happen at once?

Last year my fit strong, wonderful Dad had a heart attack.

He was the one person that I thought was indestructible, which was bollocks really, nobody is.

One quadruple heart bypass later and he looks like my Dad again. But he isnt really, he will never be the same Dad as before.

The day that I got the news changed my life forever, live for today and sod tomorrow.

Yes, this little corner of our lives really does have no bearing on reality at all.

We laugh and joke about Death, some even get aroused by it here I reckon, BUT its about people that really are nothing to us, not loved, not held, not cherished, just people.

I know where you are coming from regarding Pets, been there mate.

All these feelings and emotions are supposed to make us special from all the other species.

I wish to God that I didnt have those feelings, maybe then I would be able to bear the inevitable.

I wish you strength and courage on your difficult journey.

Take care.

[The Pooka 26]

I didn't quite know where to place this.

 

Apologies if I upset anyone due to my misplaceage (it might be a word! If not, it damn well should be), but I hope my old friend, MH, would give me his blessing. Certainly the mods would not have blessed a new thread entiltled 'My dog, my mum...one's dead, one's dying!'

 

Allow me to explain.

 

A few weeks ago my dog died. After 14 years by my side. I had to put him to sleep, the arthritis in his hinds legs meant he had no standard of life and he was in such pain that I had to carry him outside to the garden every time he needed the toilet. He was a greyhound/lurcher, so this was no easy task. Anyway, he was in my arms as the vet put him to sleep and I didn't think I'd ever cry so much again.

 

A week after that, my Auntie Iris died. She was nearly 90, lived half her life with the after effects of a stroke but the end was peaceful.

 

Then, last week, my mother's cancer was deemed inoperable. Apparently two years would be an outside bet.

 

So, as you might think, my life is a little, well, sh*t at the moment.

 

I say all this because I've been a little down recently and my wife said 'but isn't this what your death list is for? To make you feel better?'

 

So, I thought I'd try and write how I feel, amongst friends, and explain why I won't be round for a while.

 

It's easy to joke about death, just not when you're in the middle of a field surrounded by it.

 

BHB

 

Sorry to hear this BHB. Look after yourself.

[football_fan 42]

My deepest sympathies to you and your family BHB

 

Regards,

 

ff

[Child of Eternal Doom 0]

My Sympathies for you and your family BHB

 

Take care and look after yourself

[Captain Oates 21]

Keep strong BHB; my thoughts are with you and your family.

All the best,

Cap'n

 

PS I agree with Godot's advice to get another dog quickly, as soon as your circumstances allow.

[themaninblack 2,112]

Chin up BHB, hoping your mum is around as long as possible....

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

I'm having my own brush with death at the moment.

 

Last week my sister, who has been feeling unwell for a few months, was diagnosed with a massive brain tumour. Deteriorated rapidly on Saturday and had to have surgery straight away - we were summoned to the hospital in the middle of the night as they felt she was not going to make it. Sat there for hours while she was in surgery, in a room with other members of the family. She made it through surgery, but they were unable to remove all of the tumour. Then mid-week the biopsy results came back, she has a very aggressive and fast-growing form of cancer. She had another op yesterday to try and remove some more, and will now embark on a course of radiotherapy, but the outlook is very bleak.

 

Feeling a bit in limbo at the moment, as we really don't have any clue as to how long she has, doctors can't say - could be weeks, could be years. Feeling guilty for even being on here, not that she would want that. Feeling awful for her young children. Don't really know what to say to her - we're all chatty and fine when I visit, but we both know deep down what's going to happen.

[Paul Bearer 6,100]

I'm having my own brush with death at the moment.

 

Last week my sister, who has been feeling unwell for a few months, was diagnosed with a massive brain tumour. Deteriorated rapidly on Saturday and had to have surgery straight away - we were summoned to the hospital in the middle of the night as they felt she was not going to make it. Sat there for hours while she was in surgery, in a room with other members of the family. She made it through surgery, but they were unable to remove all of the tumour. Then mid-week the biopsy results came back, she has a very aggressive and fast-growing form of cancer. She had another op yesterday to try and remove some more, and will now embark on a course of radiotherapy, but the outlook is very bleak.

 

Feeling a bit in limbo at the moment, as we really don't have any clue as to how long she has, doctors can't say - could be weeks, could be years. Feeling guilty for even being on here, not that she would want that. Feeling awful for her young children. Don't really know what to say to her - we're all chatty and fine when I visit, but we both know deep down what's going to happen.

 

Sorry to read that LB, I feel your pain.

[Octopus of Odstock 2,186]

To Lard Bazaar and BHB (whose current plight I missed originally), my thoughts are genuially with you at the moment.

As I can offer only somewhat trite or meaningless phrases when writing which would belie what I am thinking, I will say no more except that both of you take care of yourselves at this challenging time for you both.

[football_fan 42]

Sorry to hear about your sister's illness LB.

 

My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

Regards,

 

ff

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Thank you all. Will keep you posted on progress.

[Godot 149]

Keep your pecker up Lardy, I'm very sad to hear your news.