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I went to do a job at the scabby bedsit flat once in downtown Basildon. The fella who answered the door was the usual toothless, smelly article wearing large underpants and with breath that would destroy the most powerful of odour eaters. Within the confines of that flat he kept a mongrel dog that was an utter fruit loop that wouldn't stop bounding around the room. 'Oi, Monkey Bollocks!! 'Sit down!! he screamed at it and, amazingly it calmed down. Now THATS a name to give a dog!!

Give the guy a break. When I won the 2014 Inverse Deadpool it went in my sig for the next 12 months. Take glory where you can get it.

One of the last of 'The Few', Battle of Britain pilot Squadron Leader Nigel Rose has died aged 99. His daughter is novelist Barbara Erskine, who drew on his experiences for her novel 'The Darkest Hour'.

We once had a cat called Topsy who was a boy cat. Racist.

Ah enjoy it. I was once in lead of the Hartlepool for 4 days. Not to say it was a short run, but by the time I'd noticed it, I'd already lost it a week previously!

But this is your first year of deadpooling, or isn't it?

Good luck with the Brexit negotiations, your country needs you.

Whereas I really don't mention my 2015 Deathrace victory quite enough, especially as I beat DDT and Death Impends to do that, and who does that? Apart from everyone who actually does of course...

Yeah but you are a bell end!

Who was in the lead for a while? I missed this.

Just in case anyone has missed this, Joey Russ has been in the lead for a while.

I've thought for a while that a good name for a dog would be Terabyte.

I haven't had a hit here in a while, but now is when it matters.

Ok, time to start my title defence campaign!

Let's see if she gets an obit. I cut her from my list because I had doubts that she would obit...

The first Deputy Prime Minister of Canada, Allan MacEachen, dies at 96.

When I was a kid my mum let the neighbourhood kids who didn't have pets name our goldfish. I can't remember all of them but I do remember Salad and Deckchair as two of the names (of the fish not the kids). Could have been worse I suppose.

Why not? I had four guinea pigs called Milhouse, Judy, Chaka Demus and Pliers.

Oh, I'm sure she would've gotten a cult following, but she wouldn't have broken through to the mainstream without John though...

I doubt she would've been well known at all had it not been for John Lennon...

Cerf's up!

I think we've proved beyond doubt on this forum, over the years, that you don't need to be drugged to post demented bollocks.

People who have lost all hope in life don't give a shit what they wear. That's another fact.

This is the first real bad news. He's secured onto my list now.

Saw Dick Dale last night. He was in fine form despite a myriad of health issues: renal failure, cancer and diabetes. Not to mention his ex-wife is currently trying to sue him. It's a slightly grainy photo, but this is him on stage last night in Minneapolis.