1. Jimmy Carter

[Doc 84]

I have insider information. They are going to smuggle him physician assisted suicide pills from California to help end his suffering. He is going to take them on Jan 15th since the hospice charges by the half month starting on the 1st and 16th. This way he saves his family a little money as well as the fact he is in an extraordinary amount of pain.

[DoltonMoney 306]

16 minutes ago, Doc said:

I have insider information. They are going to smuggle him physician assisted suicide pills from California to help end his suffering. He is going to take them on Jan 15th since the hospice charges by the half month starting on the 1st and 16th. This way he saves his family a little money as well as the fact he is in an extraordinary amount of pain.

Fascinating!

[Doc 84]

1 hour ago, Doc said:

I have insider information. They are going to smuggle him physician assisted suicide pills from California to help end his suffering. He is going to take them on Jan 15th since the hospice charges by the half month starting on the 1st and 16th. This way he saves his family a little money as well as the fact he is in an extraordinary amount of pain.

This is not true. Sorry 

[Ulitzer95 12,576]

Someone please lock this fucking thread.

[Paul Bearer 6,100]

1 minute ago, Ulitzer95 said:

Someone please lock this fucking thread.

It’s tempting.  

[The Immortal 634]

1 hour ago, Paul Bearer said:

It’s tempting.  

 

I'd say go for it before some troll claiming to be Jimmy Carter's hospice nurse decides to come here.

[Windsor 2,233]

You can't lock this thread. Surely it is part of our DL tradition for oddballs to claim inside information. 

 

I, for example, know his hospice nurse Sandie who told me that Democrats are going to euthanise him tomorrow so his death upends the Iowa Caucas...BECAUSE THAT WOULD REALLY FUCK THINGS UP FOR DONALD TRUMP. 

 

 

[gcreptile 10,963]

They''re saying that Taylor Swift's tour has stimulated the economy:

https://time.com/6307420/taylor-swift-eras-tour-money-economy/

 

Maybe a well-timed state funeral for Jimmy Carter could do the same? It might be the last trick Joe Biden has up his sleeve.

[Clorox Bleachman 2,402]

3 hours ago, gcreptile said:

They''re saying that Taylor Swift's tour has stimulated the economy:

https://time.com/6307420/taylor-swift-eras-tour-money-economy/

 

Maybe a well-timed state funeral for Jimmy Carter could do the same? It might be the last trick Joe Biden has up his sleeve.

I heard they're going to cremate him to save money and Taylor will sing "No Body, No Crime" at the ceremony to increase ticket sales.

[Steve 596]

Please please please lock this thread until something worthwhile happens. But as @drol would rightly say Jimmy is "The King of Immortals" so he isn't going to relinquish his crown that easily. 

[Grim Up North 3,725]

When he finally dies I don’t think it will be a big funeral - they’ll probably spend peanuts on it.

[InnovationIsMySpeciality 24]

I have come to this thread to offer the dissenting opinion not to lock it because you curmudgeonly Brits offer the most off beat responses to the shenanigans that take place. I for one feel it is jolly good fun and believe we should all just take the insider info with a grain of salt.
 

That being said, Mr. Carter is a national treasure and I hope he gets rejuvenated like Grandpa Joe did in Willy Wonka and starts contributing to public life again in the lead up to his 100th birthday. We need to gather as the DeathList and also bring the Derby Death Pool folks together too to wish him good tidings and positive vibes.

[Dying Probably 578]

I do find very funny that the "don't lock it!" believers are the exact problem children.

[Toast 16,129]

I can solve this.  I don't think I've ever voted for him to be the next death, so if I pick him next time that might do the trick.

[drol 11,911]

Jimmy Carter can give lessons of hospice care exactly as Josef Fritzl can give lessons of good parenting.

[Commtech Sio Bibble 2,027]

I genuinely hate this thread, full of idiots who have nothing of worth while to say* and every time anyone suggests that Carter's death may not be imminent they get flooded with negative reactions from that mango cretin.

 

*(I'll include myself in that before anyone jumps in)

[Mango 168]

3 hours ago, Commtech Sio Bibble said:

I genuinely hate this thread, full of idiots who have nothing of worth while to say* and every time anyone suggests that Carter's death may not be imminent they get flooded with negative reactions from that mango cretin.

 

*(I'll include myself in that before anyone jumps in)

If you're referring to me, I won't do that. I don't really check this thread as much anymore.

Edited January 14 by mymango
Of course that cretin TQR facepalms me.

[arrowsmith 444]

48 minutes ago, mymango said:

If you're referring to me, I won't do that. I don't really check this thread as much anymore.

He replies a full four minutes after being mentioned without an @ symbol. 

[Mango 168]

On 14/01/2024 at 19:10, arrowsmith said:

He replies a full four minutes after being mentioned without an @ symbol. 

I'm still subscribed for obvious reasons, I just can't be bothered as much with reactions and the like.

 

@TQR can't you piss off already? Guy keeps facepalming every single one of my posts.

[dimreaper 692]

2 hours ago, Commtech Sio Bibble said:

I genuinely hate this thread, full of idiots who have nothing of worth while to say* and every time anyone suggests that Carter's death may not be imminent they get flooded with negative reactions from that mango cretin.

 

*(I'll include myself in that before anyone jumps in)

 

I got one of those for saying Rosalynn Carter might outlive Jimmy. Guess who turned out to be correct.

[BonScott 122]

Frank Field been in a hospice for like 2 years and still breathing, can see Carter going in 24 but not imminently 

[Mango 168]

26 minutes ago, dimreaper said:

 

I got one of those for saying Rosalynn Carter might outlive Jimmy. Guess who turned out to be correct.

Yeah I was wrong and I removed the reaction. I genuinely didn't think it was likely.

[Doc 84]

Big Update guys, the Carter Family has decided for Carter to undergo experimental treatment in secret. They know he has only weeks if not days left, but they got word a Turkish Doctor who has a highly experimental highly risky treatment method, but the upside is that this could prolong  his life for up to several years. While it is true that he is in hospice meaning he would no longer be seeking treatment, this decision to enter hospice was made before this experimental treatment option was known to the family. The possibility of prolonging his life for up to a few years is too good of an opportunity for them to pass up. There is further motivation for him to want to continue life if he feels he has a chance to make it to the 2024 election, as he would feel much more at peach in accepting death if he knew Trump would never be president again. I do not have a medical degree but do have a masters in molecular biology and have somewhat of an understanding of how this treatment works based off of the details I have been given, though much of it is far too advanced for me to understand. In the intricate realm of neurobiological transference, a revolutionary procedure unfolds at the cellular level. Within the confines of our understanding of cellular structures, we delve into the intricacies of synaptic connections and neural networks. Imagine a meticulous process where the very essence of cognition is delicately encoded into the synaptic patterns of individual neurons. Through an advanced form of quantum neuro-cognitive mapping, we embark on a journey at the subatomic scale, manipulating the quantum states of electrons within the synapses. These minute particles dance in orchestrated patterns, forming a tapestry of cognitive information. Concurrently, the cellular membrane acts as a gatekeeper, facilitating the transfer of quantum-encoded consciousness across the neural pathways. As the quantum states harmonize, a symphony of neurological data resonates, transcending the conventional boundaries of cellular communication. This orchestration of quantum cognition reaches a crescendo, breaching the limitations of traditional neuroscience. The neural pathways, now imprinted with the quintessence of consciousness, bear the signature of an individual's thoughts, memories, and self-awareness. Unbeknownst to the observer, the grand finale of this scientific odyssey unveils itself as the culmination of all efforts materializes within the unsuspecting vessel—a humble peanut. In a twist that defies conventional understanding, the quantum-mapped consciousness seamlessly integrates with the peanut's cellular matrix. The peanut, once a mundane legume, now houses the complex tapestry of a sentient mind, forever altering the paradigm of neuroscientific possibilities. This groundbreaking revelation challenges the very fabric of our comprehension, inviting us to reconsider the boundaries between the tangible and the abstract. The peanut, now an unlikely host to the essence of cognition, stands as a testament to the enigmatic possibilities that lie at the intersection of science and imagination. To explain this in more simple terms, they are going to attempt Jimmy's consciousness into a peanut plant. As we have all seen recently his mind is still in great shape for someone his age and it is merely his body which is failing him. If they can plant Jimmy's conciseness into a healthy host body then he can continue to live on with the lifespan of the new host body. One might ask why they can not transfer his conciseness into something with more physical capabilities such as a human body, robot, or even animal, instead of something so limiting as a peanut plant. The problem is that the cellular makeup of these larger beings are far too complex to be able to even dream about a successful conscious swap into. A peanut starts out as a single seed with an extremely simple cellular structure and thus makes for one of the best chances for a successful consciousness transfer. A further benefit to selecting a peanut is that Jimmy can then be planted back at his old peanut farm which he loves so dearly and isn where he wishes he could spend his remaining days. There is already some talk within the family of then turning the Carter Peanut farm into a massive Graceland/Dollywood like theme park attraction where people can take photos with Jimmy in his peanut form. Furthermore they believe that they will be able use electrode placement to read the electrical signals from his Peanut Plant host and be able to understand whatever thoughts he is trying to communicate by interpretation of the electrical readings. With a potential from him to be able to communicate in his new host body Jimmy is considering joining CNN as a 2024 election analyst. They figure it would be a huge ratings draw to have a plant as an on air talent especially considering the plant would be the beloved former president. It would also be seen as a boon for CNN as they would have a leg up in the diversity equity and inclusion arms race with the other news networks by being the first network to hire the underrepresented legume community. Hopefully for Jimmy and for the rest of humanity this procedure is successful since this technology if functional could be used to extend the lives of millions. 

[The Great Cornholio 902]

4 hours ago, mymango said:

I'm still subscribed for obvious reasons, I just can't be bothered as much with reactions and the like.

 

@TQR can't you fuck off already? Guy keeps facepalming every single one of my posts.

I mean on one hand, yeah this forum can be kinda toxic. But on the other hand a lot of these legacy members have to witness a lot of the same bs when it comes to newbies posting the same recycled stuff over and over. Like 'I predict that so and so wont outlive 2024' or 'this person will be dead within the month' and these predictions are usually based on nothing and are usually wrong - granted I've posted a lot of stupid stuff myself in the past that falls into this category.

[The Great Cornholio 902]

1 minute ago, Doc said:

Big Update guys, the Carter Family has decided for Carter to undergo experimental treatment in secret. They know he has only weeks if not days left, but they got word a Turkish Doctor who has a highly experimental highly risky treatment method, but the upside is that this could prolong  his life for up to several years. While it is true that he is in hospice meaning he would no longer be seeking treatment, this decision to enter hospice was made before this experimental treatment option was known to the family. The possibility of prolonging his life for up to a few years is too good of an opportunity for them to pass up. There is further motivation for him to want to continue life if he feels he has a chance to make it to the 2024 election, as he would feel much more at peach in accepting death if he knew Trump would never be president again. I do not have a medical degree but do have a masters in molecular biology and have somewhat of an understanding of how this treatment works based off of the details I have been given, though much of it is far too advanced for me to understand. In the intricate realm of neurobiological transference, a revolutionary procedure unfolds at the cellular level. Within the confines of our understanding of cellular structures, we delve into the intricacies of synaptic connections and neural networks. Imagine a meticulous process where the very essence of cognition is delicately encoded into the synaptic patterns of individual neurons. Through an advanced form of quantum neuro-cognitive mapping, we embark on a journey at the subatomic scale, manipulating the quantum states of electrons within the synapses. These minute particles dance in orchestrated patterns, forming a tapestry of cognitive information. Concurrently, the cellular membrane acts as a gatekeeper, facilitating the transfer of quantum-encoded consciousness across the neural pathways. As the quantum states harmonize, a symphony of neurological data resonates, transcending the conventional boundaries of cellular communication. This orchestration of quantum cognition reaches a crescendo, breaching the limitations of traditional neuroscience. The neural pathways, now imprinted with the quintessence of consciousness, bear the signature of an individual's thoughts, memories, and self-awareness. Unbeknownst to the observer, the grand finale of this scientific odyssey unveils itself as the culmination of all efforts materializes within the unsuspecting vessel—a humble peanut. In a twist that defies conventional understanding, the quantum-mapped consciousness seamlessly integrates with the peanut's cellular matrix. The peanut, once a mundane legume, now houses the complex tapestry of a sentient mind, forever altering the paradigm of neuroscientific possibilities. This groundbreaking revelation challenges the very fabric of our comprehension, inviting us to reconsider the boundaries between the tangible and the abstract. The peanut, now an unlikely host to the essence of cognition, stands as a testament to the enigmatic possibilities that lie at the intersection of science and imagination. To explain this in more simple terms, they are going to attempt Jimmy's consciousness into a peanut plant. As we have all seen recently his mind is still in great shape for someone his age and it is merely his body which is failing him. If they can plant Jimmy's conciseness into a healthy host body then he can continue to live on with the lifespan of the new host body. One might ask why they can not transfer his conciseness into something with more physical capabilities such as a human body, robot, or even animal, instead of something so limiting as a peanut plant. The problem is that the cellular makeup of these larger beings are far too complex to be able to even dream about a successful conscious swap into. A peanut starts out as a single seed with an extremely simple cellular structure and thus makes for one of the best chances for a successful consciousness transfer. A further benefit to selecting a peanut is that Jimmy can then be planted back at his old peanut farm which he loves so dearly and isn where he wishes he could spend his remaining days. There is already some talk within the family of then turning the Carter Peanut farm into a massive Graceland/Dollywood like theme park attraction where people can take photos with Jimmy in his peanut form. Furthermore they believe that they will be able use electrode placement to read the electrical signals from his Peanut Plant host and be able to understand whatever thoughts he is trying to communicate by interpretation of the electrical readings. With a potential from him to be able to communicate in his new host body Jimmy is considering joining CNN as a 2024 election analyst. They figure it would be a huge ratings draw to have a plant as an on air talent especially considering the plant would be the beloved former president. It would also be seen as a boon for CNN as they would have a leg up in the diversity equity and inclusion arms race with the other news networks by being the first network to hire the underrepresented legume community. Hopefully for Jimmy and for the rest of humanity this procedure is successful since this technology if functional could be used to extend the lives of millions. 

Fuck me I'm not reading all that...