Inverse Dead Pool 2022

[Bibliogryphon 9,569]

Turnbull was not as high as ONJ for me but still midtable

 

Pretty much waved goodbye to this one unless everyone else had Gorby in their No.1 slot

[msc 18,436]

On 18/01/2022 at 14:17, msc said:

1. Bill Turnbull

 

[YoungWillz 21,024]

Well, that is probably my game over with Turnbull's death.

 

He who hesitates on an update on the leaderboard though. They have the real challenge ahead, 4 deaths and it's still morning here. 

[Death Impends 7,953]

1 hour ago, Bibliogryphon said:

Turnbull was not as high as ONJ for me but still midtable

 

Pretty much waved goodbye to this one unless everyone else had Gorby in their No.1 slot

 

This, word for word.

[Grim Up North 3,725]

Turnbull & ONJ finished me off too.

[Sideik 236]

After a quick look at the teams I think that the best teams in ranking atm are:

Pedro67 (3 PTS )

Theoldlady and newjack (6 PTS)

Macthrotous and Sean (7 PTS)

 

But I could have missed something or someone...

 

 

 

[machotrouts 828]

Let Me Hear Your Body Cark

 

 

Call her "Oia", because she won't be needing that second syllable anymore – Olivia Newton-John, British-Australian-Xanadian pop icon, isn't feeling very well-a well-a well-a, uh, anymore, anymore, as she has died at the age of 73, after a 146-year battle with cancer. Now when one is asked "did she put up a fight?", one can simply answer "yes", without it being a tacit admission of sexual assault.

 

She's our biggest landmine yet – insofar as every unsuspecting modern pop fan who dares to explore her discography on the strength of 'Physical' is horrified to find it full of Hot AC country ballads. But yes, she's also a landmine in this contest, as this year's 15th most popular Inverse pick. It's bad news for 35 of you, but amongst the lowlights are former Inverse Dead Pool champions @Bibliogryphon, @Spade_Cooley, @TQR, and @BabyBlue all slumming it in the bottom 13, and five evictions from the Zero Points Club, including a devastating 20 points for @Death Impends, and an even more devastating 7 points for your poor host @machotrouts – can you blame me for dragging my feet on this update? But congratulations to last remaining 0-pointers Seany Zuko and thepinklady, who go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong and are now flying their car into space to crash into the Sun or whatever it is that's happening at the end of Grease.

 

Tell me more! Tell me more! Yes, I know I've got three more of these to write, but I need a nap or two, so hopefully this was the one that you wanted (the one that you wanted) ooh ooh ooh.

 

		GAINED	TOTAL
1.	Sean		0
1.	theoldlady		0
3.	YoungWillz		1
4.	Nick		2
5.	Pedro67	+1	3
6.	BuffaloPhil	+2	6
6.	Newjack	+2	6
8.	machotrouts	+7	7
9.	Sideik	+9	9
10.	YorkshireBanker	+10	10
10.	Grim Up North	+10	10
12.	Sir Creep		11
13.	msc		12
14.	Funeralopolis	+11	14
14.	GuyFromFuture		14
14.	An Fear Beag		14
17.	CaptainChorizo	+7	15
17.	gcreptile		15
19.	drol	+9	17
19.	Book		17
21.	wannamaker	+11	18
21.	Joey Russ	+3	18
21.	Philip		18
24.	The Unknown Man		19
25.	Death Impends	+20	20
26.	LizLemon	+16	21
27.	MariNisia	+16	22
27.	Predictor	+15	22
27.	Banana	+10	22
30.	Toast	+12	23
30.	Pedro67's wife	+2	23
32.	Perhaps	+17	24
32.	deadsox	+5	24
34.	ThereWillBeDeaths7		25
35.	MortalCaso	+19	26
36.	Bibliogryphon	+16	27
37.	CastAway	+17	29
38.	Annami	+17	30
39.	The Old Crem	+8	31
40.	Spade_Cooley	+19	32
41.	TQR	+16	33
42.	Great Uncle Bulgaria	+19	38
43.	BabyBlue	+15	39
44.	Doulton	+8	50
45.	chilean way	+23	54
46.	Neobrakeon	+1	56
47.	machotrouts' mum	+23	58
48.	Hell	+19	64

[Grim Up North 3,725]

1 hour ago, machotrouts said:

Let Me Hear Your Body Cark

 

 

Call her "Oia", because she won't be needing that second syllable anymore – Olivia Newton-John, British-Australian-Xanadian pop icon, isn't feeling very well-a well-a well-a, uh, anymore, anymore, as she has died at the age of 73, after a 146-year battle with cancer. Now when one is asked "did she put up a fight?", one can simply answer "yes", without it being a tacit admission of sexual assault.

 

She's our biggest landmine yet – insofar as every unsuspecting modern pop fan who dares to explore her discography on the strength of 'Physical' is horrified to find it full of Hot AC country ballads. But yes, she's also a landmine in this contest, as this year's 15th most popular Inverse pick. It's bad news for 35 of you, but amongst the lowlights are former Inverse Dead Pool champions @Bibliogryphon, @Spade_Cooley, @TQR, and @BabyBlue all slumming it in the bottom 13, and five evictions from the Zero Points Club, including a devastating 20 points for @Death Impends, and an even more devastating 7 points for your poor host @machotrouts – can you blame me for dragging my feet on this update? But congratulations to last remaining 0-pointers Seany Zuko and thepinklady, who go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong and are now flying their car into space to crash into the Sun or whatever it is that's happening at the end of Grease.

 

Tell me more! Tell me more! Yes, I know I've got three more of these to write, but I need a nap or two, so hopefully this was the one that you wanted (the one that you wanted) ooh ooh ooh.

 

Beautifully crafted - love it!

[machotrouts 828]

The Only Good Kopf Is A Dead Kopf

 

Tom Weiskopf, the second most famous golf player in this year's Inverse Dead Pool after Donald Trump, has died of pancreatic cancer – very much the "maybe it would save time just to write the Inverse obit in advance" of cancers – at the fairly on-par age of 79. Fortunately, he dies at a boom time for golf course burials, so he'll no doubt be swapping maggots with Ivana as we speak.

 

Weiskopf (which is apparently pronounced "why scoff", if you made the mistake of thinking the headline was a good pun) proves to be this pool's fourth most mortal Tom, after Parker, Smith, and your host, who currently has, idk, flu or covid or something, and is being a very brave sweaty boy for you all right now.

 

As this year's third least popular Inverse pick, he's very much the eye of our recent death storm – only 5 players picked a bogey here, and none of them has truly been driven out into the rough, so why scoff at that?
 

		GAINED	TOTAL
1.	Sean		0
1.	theoldlady		0
3.	YoungWillz		1
4.	Pedro67		3
5.	Nick	+3	5
6.	BuffaloPhil		6
6.	Newjack		6
8.	machotrouts		7
9.	Sideik		9
10.	YorkshireBanker		10
10.	Grim Up North		10
12.	Sir Creep		11
13.	msc		12
14.	Funeralopolis		14
14.	GuyFromFuture		14
14.	An Fear Beag		14
17.	CaptainChorizo		15
17.	gcreptile		15
19.	drol		17
20.	wannamaker		18
20.	Joey Russ		18
20.	Philip		18
23.	Death Impends		20
24.	LizLemon		21
25.	Book	+5	22
25.	MariNisia		22
25.	Predictor		22
25.	Banana		22
29.	Toast		23
29.	Pedro67's wife		23
31.	Perhaps		24
31.	deadsox		24
33.	The Unknown Man	+6	25
33.	ThereWillBeDeaths7		25
35.	MortalCaso		26
36.	Bibliogryphon		27
37.	CastAway	+1	30
37.	Annami		30
39.	The Old Crem		31
40.	Spade_Cooley		32
41.	TQR		33
42.	Great Uncle Bulgaria		38
43.	BabyBlue		39
44.	Doulton		50
45.	chilean way		54
46.	Neobrakeon	+2	58
47.	machotrouts' mum		58
48.	Hell		64

[machotrouts 828]

No One Out-Pizzas the Reaper

 

Pizza Hut mascot Mikhail Gorbachev has died at the age of 91. Gorbachev, a figure from a happier time when pizza was a symbol of international cooperation in politics and not satanic paedophile cellars, also had a little-known career as the Soviet Union leader who presided over his country's liberalisation and ultimate dissolution, noted for his policies of glasnost (openness), perestroika (restructuring), and margherita (cheese and tomato). Gorbachev, winner of the Nobel Pizza Prize for his role in ending the Cold War era and starting the Hot Pizza era, leaves an ambivalent legacy among the left – was he the heroically doomed but necessary reformer of Soviet communism, or the fool who sold out a flawed but worthy cause to shill pizza for American capitalist pigs? What we do know is, he was undeniably that guy with the big purple thing on his head.

Gorbachev also proves to be a great reformer of the Inverse Dead Pool leaderboard. @Sir Creep and @msc, who were quietly creeping up on the top 10, are suddenly banished to oblivion in exactly the kind of Stalinist erasure poor Gorby hoped to put a stop to, and we also have a new bottom 2, thanks to @Doulton and @chilean way gambling big on the continued survival of the regularly hospitalised nonagenarian who everyone seemed to think was long dead already (that's three people doing worse than my mum now, so thanks everyone!).

 

Furthermore, five of the pre-Gorbadeath top six are hit with points (only @Pedro67 comes away unscathed), which means ol' Mikky Gorbo also presides over the dissolution of the Zero Points Club, with @Sean and @theoldlady receiving their first points of the game. But, with Sean receiving 8 points and theoldlady only 1, we finally have our first leaderboard with an individual leader – congratulations, theoldlady! Of course, if we're to see through this dissolution of the Soviet Union analogy, that probably makes her... Russia? So she's responsible for all that shit in Ukraine? theoldlady, you should be ashamed of yourself.

 

		GAINED	TOTAL
1.	theoldlady	+1	1
2.	Pedro67		3
3.	YoungWillz	+4	5
4.	Newjack		6
5.	machotrouts		7
6.	Sean	+8	8
7.	Sideik		9
8.	YorkshireBanker		10
8.	Grim Up North		10
10.	Nick	+9	14
10.	Funeralopolis		14
10.	GuyFromFuture		14
10.	An Fear Beag		14
14.	BuffaloPhil	+9	15
14.	CaptainChorizo		15
14.	gcreptile		15
17.	drol		17
18.	Joey Russ		18
19.	Philip	+2	20
19.	Death Impends		20
21.	LizLemon		21
22.	Book		22
22.	MariNisia		22
22.	Predictor		22
22.	Banana		22
26.	Toast		23
26.	Pedro67's wife		23
28.	msc	+13	25
28.	ThereWillBeDeaths7		25
30.	MortalCaso		26
31.	wannamaker	+9	27
31.	Bibliogryphon		27
33.	The Unknown Man	+3	28
34.	Sir Creep	+18	29
35.	CastAway		30
35.	Annami		30
37.	deadsox	+7	31
37.	The Old Crem		31
39.	Spade_Cooley		32
40.	TQR		33
41.	Perhaps	+12	36
42.	BabyBlue		39
43.	Great Uncle Bulgaria	+3	41
44.	Neobrakeon		58
44.	machotrouts' mum		58
46.	Hell		64
47.	chilean way	+17	71
48.	Doulton	+22	72

[machotrouts 828]

Ask Not for Whom the Bill Turns... It Turns for Bull

 

British radio and TV presenter Bill Turnbull has died of prostate cancer at the age of 66 – 4 years out from announcing his diagnosis and disclosing his fears that he might only have 12 years to live. Best known for presenting BBC Breakfast, that weirdly tense thing your dad has on in the morning where it's nominally a light-hearted magazine show but everyone consistently dresses and behaves like they're afraid they might have to announce a major royal death any second, he also made various other TV appearances, including a stint on Strictly Come Dancing you don't remember at all, and Richard Osman's House of Games, where he's only the second contestant to die, after Carlos Menem was taken out by a particularly brutal Answer Smash.

 

(You know how usually terminal cancer patients get really skinny near the end, but sometimes they get really bloated instead? I don't know the science, all I know is it seems like change of shape = imminent doom. In any case, it looks like 18 of you didn't see the 2021 House of Games where he looked like he'd been fished straight out of the ocean before shooting. Still, he won his week, so there's a legacy for you.)

 

Some of you are paying a hefty Bill on Turnbull – including @msc, who incurs the first 25-point penalty of the year, @Hell, who reclaims the bottom spot where they at least thematically belong, and poor dependable thread updater @YoungWillz, who plummets from a promising podium placement to middle-of-the-board misery. But it's only 5 points that see fortunes turn to a load of bull for @theoldlady – she falls to joint 2nd with a rising @Newjack, and we have a new leader in @Pedro67. Congratulations, Pedro67! And this time, it won't be immediately superseded by another update I'm already supposed to have written, because I think we're caught up!

 

		GAINED	TOTAL
1.	Pedro67		3
2.	theoldlady	+5	6
2.	Newjack		6
4.	machotrouts		7
5.	Sean		8
6.	Sideik		9
7.	YorkshireBanker		10
8.	An Fear Beag		14
9.	BuffaloPhil		15
9.	gcreptile		15
11.	CaptainChorizo	+3	18
11.	Joey Russ		18
13.	Funeralopolis	+6	20
13.	GuyFromFuture	+6	20
13.	Philip		20
16.	LizLemon		21
17.	Nick	+8	22
17.	Book		22
17.	MariNisia		22
17.	Predictor		22
17.	Banana		22
22.	Toast		23
23.	YoungWillz	+19	24
23.	Grim Up North	+14	24
23.	Pedro67's wife	+1	24
26.	ThereWillBeDeaths7		25
27.	MortalCaso		26
28.	wannamaker		27
29.	drol	+11	28
29.	The Unknown Man		28
31.	deadsox		31
31.	The Old Crem		31
33.	Death Impends	+12	32
33.	Spade_Cooley		32
35.	TQR		33
36.	Sir Creep	+8	37
37.	CastAway	+8	38
38.	BabyBlue		39
39.	Annami	+10	40
40.	Bibliogryphon	+14	41
40.	Great Uncle Bulgaria		41
42.	Perhaps	+8	44
43.	msc	+25	50
44.	Neobrakeon		58
45.	machotrouts' mum	+12	70
46.	chilean way		71
47.	Doulton		72
48.	Hell	+17	81

[YoungWillz 21,024]

Top 3 for 8 months, and it comes to this, lol.

 

Thanks @machotrouts, those update commentaries were well worth the wait!

 

Next one imminent I feel, keep your quill to hand. 

[msc 18,436]

It was going unusually well until the last few weeks!

[Pedro67 232]

I appear to be doing them in order, bottom upwards. Jerry Lee Lewis is doomed I tell ya !

[theoldlady 2,296]

On 22/01/2022 at 03:46, Sir Creep said:

Sir Creep (will buy you 5 lbs coffee if any of his top 10 die)
 

1. Shane McGowan

2. Donald Trump

3. Phil Collins

4. Ghislaine Maxwell

5. Clint Eastwood

6. Linda Nolan

7. Billy Connolly 

8. Mikhail Gorbachev 

9. Paul Gascoigne

10. Yoko Ono

11. Mel Brooks

12. Rupert Murdoch

13. Eva Marie Saint

14. Rolf Harris

15. Angela Lansbury

16. Dick Van Dyke

17. Tim Bilton

18. Bill Turnbull

19. Sir Bobby Charlton

20. Tom Parker

21. June Brown

22. James Whale

23. Willie Nelson

24. Harry Belafonte

25. Jerry Lee Lewis

 

Sub: Françoise Hardy 

 

Please donate my 5 lbs of coffee to a Food Bank in the USA. Thank you Sir Creep. @Sir Creep

[TQR 14,384]

On 22/01/2022 at 02:46, Sir Creep said:

Sir Creep (will buy you 5 lbs coffee if any of his top 10 die)
 

8. Mikhail Gorbachev 

So that’s 5lbs of coffee to, I suppose, each of us in the game. 235lbs total. That’s almost half the weight of the average American!

 

I know you don’t read your notifications (well, why would you? That’d mean revisiting the horrors of some of the shite you come out with) but if on the off-chance you do, I echo @theoldlady’s sentiments re: my due coffee payment.

[TQR 14,384]

On 18/01/2022 at 07:26, TQR said:

9) Queen Elizabeth II 

Well, she may be fine yet, and hopefully she will be, but just in case, may I be the first of many here to say FFS.

[Bibliogryphon 9,569]

34 minutes ago, TQR said:

Well, she may be fine yet, and hopefully she will be, but just in case, may I be the first of many here to say FFS.

Got her in the exact same spot. So it may be a case of all boats sink

[MortalCaso 1,624]

I have her at #8 myself. 

 

43 out of 48 teams have her somewhere on the list. Talk about a landmine 

[gcreptile 10,963]

Yeah, I think the end result will be something totally different, especially if the Angela Lansbury rumours are true.

[TQR 14,384]

On 18/01/2022 at 07:26, TQR said:

 

11) Angela Lansbury

 

58 minutes ago, gcreptile said:

Yeah, I think the end result will be something totally different, especially if the Angela Lansbury rumours are true.

Oh piss and shit.

[Sideik 236]

On 23/01/2022 at 21:27, Sideik said:

7 Queen Elizabeth II

Damn...

[Joey Russ 7,220]

Only had her at 21, not that big of a deal

[Pedro67 232]

At 7. Damn. 

[machotrouts 828]

Ma'amageddon

 

In 1932, psychologist Harry Harlow conducted a famous experiment on the nature of maternal bonds. Infant rhesus monkeys were presented with two inanimate surrogate mothers – one made of wire, which provided milk, and one made of cloth, which did not. Overwhelmingly, the monkeys bonded with the cloth mother, visiting the wire mother only to feed, thus demonstrating the importance of contact comfort to an infant's development. Harlow then conducted a follow-up experiment with a third mother, this one made of stolen diamonds. This mother would too be inanimate, possessing no identifiable personality traits or intelligence, but would also provide no nourishment and not be physically accessible – the monkeys would simply be shown a picture, and told "this mother is richer and more powerful than you". While monkeys with self-respect and dignity naturally rejected the diamond mother, an unusually deferential contingent of monkeys genuflected before her, instinctively subservient in the face of power, accepting and even craving their own personal immiseration in her name. Harlow, harrowed by his findings, abandoned the experiment and deported this profoundly maladjusted monkey contingent to a rainy and inhospitable island to keep them away from the civilised world. That island later became known as "Britain", and the monkeys evolved into what we now know as "British people".

 

Queen Elizabeth II, socialite and tabloid star, has died at the age of 96. If there's one vaguely nice-sounding thing that every obit struggling to come up with a tangible positive fact about the Queen has to say, it's that she was "always there" – and that's certainly true when it comes to the Inverse Dead Pool, where she appeared on a majestic 43 out of 48 teams, this year's 6th most popular pick. This means revolution on the leaderboard, with former top 3 @Pedro67, @theoldlady, and @Newjack all finding themselves guillotined for the treason of ranking her too high. They're succeeded by @Philip, who gallops from 13th to 3rd as one of the few players who evidently knew his grieving widow well enough not to pick her at all; @Sean, who "only" incurs a 10-point penalty and returns to 2nd in the line of succession; and @YorkshireBanker, whose measly 4-point gain anoints them to the current Inverse Throne. Hopefully they're the banker in charge of updating all the currency, because they clearly know what they're doing.

 

They're not the only ones benefitting from only slightly not thinking the Queen would die – just 5 points for @Joey Russ, who arises to 6th, just 3 points for @ThereWillBeDeaths7, who rides a gilded carriage from 26th to 10th, and just 0 points for @Sir Creep and @CastAway, who make like Prince Andrew and jump into the teens. Meanwhile at the bottom of the leaderboard, @Hell has not been burnt by the Queen (though one can't say the reverse is true). This means our new last in line to the throne is @chilean way, who falls down like London Bridge, their 25-point penalty bringing them to an apropos number of doom: 96.

 

As we're almost all red-faced this week, let's experiment with a new column to signal who the actual risers and fallers are:
 

			GAINED	TOTAL
1.	▲	YorkshireBanker	+4	14
2.	▲	Sean	+10	18
3.	▲	Philip		20
4.	=	machotrouts	+14	21
5.	▼	Pedro67	+19	22
6.	▲	Joey Russ	+5	23
7.	▲	BuffaloPhil	+10	25
8.	▼	theoldlady	+20	26
9.	▼	Newjack	+21	27
10.	▼	Sideik	+19	28
10.	▲	ThereWillBeDeaths7	+3	28
12.	▼	An Fear Beag	+16	30
13.	▼	gcreptile	+18	33
13.	▲	LizLemon	+12	33
15.	▲	Book	+13	35
16.	▲	Banana	+14	36
17.	▲	Sir Creep		37
18.	▲	CastAway		38
19.	▲	YoungWillz	+15	39
20.	▼	CaptainChorizo	+22	40
20.	▲	Spade_Cooley	+8	40
22.	▼	Funeralopolis	+21	41
22.	▼	GuyFromFuture	+21	41
22.	▼	Nick	+19	41
22.	=	Toast	+18	41
22.	▲	The Unknown Man	+13	41
27.	▲	deadsox	+11	42
28.	▼	Predictor	+22	44
28.	▼	MortalCaso	+18	44
30.	▼	MariNisia	+24	46
31.	▼	wannamaker	+20	47
31.	=	The Old Crem	+16	47
33.	▼	Pedro67's wife	+24	48
33.	▼	drol	+20	48
35.	▼	Grim Up North	+25	49
36.	▼	TQR	+17	50
37.	▼	Death Impends	+19	51
38.	▲	Bibliogryphon	+17	58
39.	▲	Great Uncle Bulgaria	+21	62
40.	▼	BabyBlue	+24	63
40.	▼	Annami	+23	63
42.	▼	Perhaps	+20	64
43.	▲	machotrouts' mum		70
44.	▼	msc	+23	73
45.	▲	Hell		81
46.	▼	Neobrakeon	+25	83
47.	=	Doulton	+13	85
48.	▼	chilean way	+25	96