maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted September 13, 2015 What's worse than having a worm in your Apple The Holocaust That's the ultimate all-purpose offensive joke. I usually use cancer, or gang rape. I mean I use them as the punchline, not in any weird BDSM sense. What's worse than gang rape? Having a worm in your apple Nah, I don't get it! 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted September 13, 2015 What's worse than having a worm in your apple? Having half a worm in half your apple. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Mad Hatter 1,092 Posted September 13, 2015 What's worse than having a worm in your apple? Having half a worm in half your apple. no, the black lynchings Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charon 4,943 Posted September 13, 2015 What's worse than having a worm in your Apple The Holocaust That's the ultimate all-purpose offensive joke. I usually use cancer, or gang rape. I mean I use them as the punchline, not in any weird BDSM sense. What's worse than gang rape? Having a worm in your apple Nah, I don't get it! Hoi!!! 6 out of 7 people like gang rape! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
themaninblack 2,112 Posted September 13, 2015 What's worse than having a worm in your Apple The Holocaust That's the ultimate all-purpose offensive joke. I usually use cancer, or gang rape. I mean I use them as the punchline, not in any weird BDSM sense. What's worse than gang rape? Having a worm in your apple Nah, I don't get it! Hoi!!! 6 out of 7 people like gang rape! Well there's always at least one conscious stricken male... That's one for the feminists! 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted September 13, 2015 What's worse than having a worm in your Apple The Holocaust That's the ultimate all-purpose offensive joke. I usually use cancer, or gang rape. I mean I use them as the punchline, not in any weird BDSM sense. What's worse than gang rape? Having a worm in your apple Nah, I don't get it! Hoi!!! 6 out of 7 people like gang rape! Well there's always at least one conscious stricken male... That's one for the feminists! Admirably dark and depraved. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bibliogryphon 9,586 Posted September 15, 2015 If Brian Clough had given his players yoghurts would he have saved the fruits of the forest one for Justin Fashnu? 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted September 15, 2015 How do you get a clown off a swing? Hit him with an axe 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,271 Posted September 20, 2015 I was thinking....... it's ironically self-defeating that they don't allow alcohol in Islam. Cos most people would have to be pissed to want to convert! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr_T 254 Posted September 20, 2015 The death of Jackie Collins reminded me of this one, I think it is best if we set this joke maybe about 30 years ago when Joan Collins was on Dynasty. Joan Collins goes to a plastic surgeon because she was afraid her lady bits were drooping a little too much and that some vaginaplasty would tidy her up. The doctor agreed and suggested that she has the surgery. Joan says, ok we can do it next week, but no-one can know about it, it has to be a complete secret. The doctor agreed and they did the operation. After Joan recovered they wheeled her back to her room and it was filled with bouquets of flowers. The room was full of them. She was furious because she thought the doctor had not kept her secret. She summoned him to her room and started yelling at him. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT MY SURGERY!" The doctor said, "Sorry Joan I only told one person and I had to tell him. Read this card." The card read "Hi Joan, Get Well Soon and Thanks For the Ears, Love Niki Lauda 6 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr_T 254 Posted September 23, 2015 A woman who was pregnant with triplets goes to the bank. The bank gets held up and the thief goes nuts and the woman gets shot three times in the stomach. She gets rushed to hospital and they find that each of the unborn babies has a bullet lodged in them but it was too tricky to operate, they would leave the bullets there and hope for the best. Miracle of miracles each of the babies (two girls and a boy) were born healthy and grew up living healthy lives until they were about 16 years old. Then one day one of the girls goes to her mother, "Mum the strangest thing just happened...I just went to the toilet and I passed a bullet." So the mother explained to the girl about the hold up all those years ago. A couple of weeks later the other girl goes to her mum, "Mum the strangest thing just happened, I just went to the toilet and I passed a bullet." So again the mother explained to her daughter about the hold up. Then a couple of weeks after that the boy goes up to his mother and says, "Mum, the strangest thing just happened." And the mother says, "Let me guess, you went to the toilet and passed a bullet. And he says, "No Mum, I just wanked and shot the dog! 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted September 24, 2015 Some jokes from lolly sticks Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted September 24, 2015 A woman who was pregnant with triplets goes to the bank. The bank gets held up and the thief goes nuts and the woman gets shot three times in the stomach. She gets rushed to hospital and they find that each of the unborn babies has a bullet lodged in them but it was too tricky to operate, they would leave the bullets there and hope for the best. Miracle of miracles each of the babies (two girls and a boy) were born healthy and grew up living healthy lives until they were about 16 years old. Then one day one of the girls goes to her mother, "Mum the strangest thing just happened...I just went to the toilet and I passed a bullet." So the mother explained to the girl about the hold up all those years ago. A couple of weeks later the other girl goes to her mum, "Mum the strangest thing just happened, I just went to the toilet and I passed a bullet." So again the mother explained to her daughter about the hold up. Then a couple of weeks after that the boy goes up to his mother and says, "Mum, the strangest thing just happened." And the mother says, "Let me guess, you went to the toilet and passed a bullet. And he says, "No Mum, I just wanked and shot the dog! This must be quite funny as it made my old man laugh, and he's a miserable cunt. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Mad Hatter 1,092 Posted September 24, 2015 A woman who was pregnant with triplets goes to the bank. The bank gets held up and the thief goes nuts and the woman gets shot three times in the stomach. She gets rushed to hospital and they find that each of the unborn babies has a bullet lodged in them but it was too tricky to operate, they would leave the bullets there and hope for the best. Miracle of miracles each of the babies (two girls and a boy) were born healthy and grew up living healthy lives until they were about 16 years old. Then one day one of the girls goes to her mother, "Mum the strangest thing just happened...I just went to the toilet and I passed a bullet." So the mother explained to the girl about the hold up all those years ago. A couple of weeks later the other girl goes to her mum, "Mum the strangest thing just happened, I just went to the toilet and I passed a bullet." So again the mother explained to her daughter about the hold up. Then a couple of weeks after that the boy goes up to his mother and says, "Mum, the strangest thing just happened." And the mother says, "Let me guess, you went to the toilet and passed a bullet. And he says, "No Mum, I just wanked and shot the dog! This must be quite funny as it made my old man laugh, and he's a miserable cunt.I laughed Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted September 25, 2015 A woman who was pregnant with triplets goes to the bank. The bank gets held up and the thief goes nuts and the woman gets shot three times in the stomach. She gets rushed to hospital and they find that each of the unborn babies has a bullet lodged in them but it was too tricky to operate, they would leave the bullets there and hope for the best. Miracle of miracles each of the babies (two girls and a boy) were born healthy and grew up living healthy lives until they were about 16 years old. Then one day one of the girls goes to her mother, "Mum the strangest thing just happened...I just went to the toilet and I passed a bullet." So the mother explained to the girl about the hold up all those years ago. A couple of weeks later the other girl goes to her mum, "Mum the strangest thing just happened, I just went to the toilet and I passed a bullet." So again the mother explained to her daughter about the hold up. Then a couple of weeks after that the boy goes up to his mother and says, "Mum, the strangest thing just happened." And the mother says, "Let me guess, you went to the toilet and passed a bullet. And he says, "No Mum, I just wanked and shot the dog! This must be quite funny as it made my old man laugh, and he's a miserable cunt.I laughed Me too, the first time I heard it 40 years ago. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deathray 2,940 Posted September 25, 2015 Some jokes from lolly sticks is jokes on lolly sticks an american thing? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat O'Falk 3,290 Posted September 25, 2015 Some jokes from lolly sticks is jokes on lolly sticks an american thing? No. I remember 'em as a kid growing up in Derby. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2149642/Heard-return-lolly-jokes-Gags-revived-sticks-25-years.html Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted September 25, 2015 Some jokes from lolly sticksis jokes on lolly sticks an american thing? No. I remember 'em as a kid growing up in Derby. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2149642/Heard-return-lolly-jokes-Gags-revived-sticks-25-years.html Were they just as bad? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat O'Falk 3,290 Posted September 25, 2015 Some jokes from lolly sticksis jokes on lolly sticks an american thing? No. I remember 'em as a kid growing up in Derby. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2149642/Heard-return-lolly-jokes-Gags-revived-sticks-25-years.html Were they just as bad? If not, worse. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deathray 2,940 Posted September 25, 2015 Some jokes from lolly sticksis jokes on lolly sticks an american thing? No. I remember 'em as a kid growing up in Derby. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2149642/Heard-return-lolly-jokes-Gags-revived-sticks-25-years.html Were they just as bad? If not, worse. In the list of things my generation missed on jokes on lolly sticks an go fairly low down the list. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 8,615 Posted September 26, 2015 Best lolly stick joke Why does an elephant have four feet? Because he'd look silly with three inches. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted September 26, 2015 Best lolly stick joke Why does an elephant have four feet? Because he'd look silly with three inches. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deathray 2,940 Posted September 26, 2015 Best lolly stick joke Why does an elephant have four feet? Because he'd look silly with three inches. That's one very unfortunate elephant you've got there. A whole two and a half feet below parr. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr_T 254 Posted September 28, 2015 My lolly stick joke. I told it to my wife and she didn't get it until I changed the stress. What's grey and comes in pints? An elephant Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,142 Posted September 28, 2015 My lolly stick joke. I told it to my wife and she didn't get it until I changed the stress. What's grey and comes in pints? An elephant I assume that was from an adult lolly. I wonder what shape it was. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
