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Not sure if this has been posted before How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.:)#

Well, I never thought I would ever win this competition and I certainly wouldn't have if not for the massive favour provided by Vanessa Marquez and the South Pasadena police. So, cheers Nessa, this one's for you.

80 today

Hospitalized. Yaaawn...

Not even a stealth boast.

SEPTEMBER After Marquez, the HPDP really slows down. YoungWillz proved astute with picking the hirsute Burt Reynolds. The Bandit going up in smokey gets 25 sub points for Willz and finally puts him on the board. Sir Creep landed a unique hit with Kulsoom Nawaz on September 11, getting 20 base points and 8 bonus points for 28 in total. Another surprise unique hit comes on September 19 in the form of Denis Norden. Take It From Here, LFN, you get 25 base points and 10 bonus points for 35 in all. OCTOBER DDT finally gets his first hit on October 30 with Buddhist teacher Sangharakshita. Also a sexual creep, so whatever he gets reincarnated as probably won't be all that illustrious. Either way, DDT gets 15 base points and 6 unique bonus points for 21 total thanks to Sangharakshita going down the shitta. NOVEMBER Though Devin Lima's November 21 death was a gamechanger in the DDP, over at the HPDP it just reinforced what was already happening. Only Dead Cow picked him here, and as a sub, so he adds an extra 25 points of padding. (fun fact: LFO appeared on one of the later versions of Hollywood Squares, so Lima's a very rare instance of a DDP Drop 40 hit to be on Hollywood Squares that was only picked on the bonusless subs bench here!) The last biggie to fall in 2018 was none other than George H. W. Bush on November 30. Bit of a tricky one to judge the bonuses for. There is a US President bonus but it says it's for recent or incumbent US Presidents. And Bush were out of office for 25 years when he died, which isn't all that recent at this point. I also don't see him falling under the crimes against humanity blanket (Dubya a different story, but he's not the one I'm totting up bonuses for...). So as it stands, read my lips, no bonuses for Bush. As for his 7 HPDP voters: deadsox gets 40 points. Exu, time, Toast, and Wormfarmer 30. FixedBusiness 20. and msc 15. DECEMBER Though there was only one December hit, it still carried significance to the HPDP in terms of history, that being the second loss of a forumer's "mascot". DDT is one of the few around to have a perfect HPDP attendance record (with Ali inactive, I think it's just him and mpfc?), and from the pool's inception up until her December 26 death, he had persistently picked art nun Sister Wendy Beckett. Like a DL without Dunn, me without Foray, and msc without Lady Wilson, it's not quite the same having DDT enter a HPDP team without her. Spade still does have his Glynis though. Either way, DDT receives 40 basic points and 16 bonus points for 56 total. I'll throw in an extra 1.3 points as well, or one tenth of a point for each year he picked her. Scoreboard for up to the end of the year. As mentioned previously, I will wait another week to allow for any missed bonuses to be sorted out. Then the 13th place (if the scoreboard stays as is, I'm just gonna treat both =12th place teams as 13th...) and interesting team bonus. So if you have any shock evidence Vanessa Marquez was a baseball player, which would drop Cow from the lead to negative points, speak before MIDNIGHT GMT ON AUGUST 25 or forever hold your peace: 1. The Dead Cow 425 2. RadGuy 267.3 3. CaptainChorizo 259 4. Uschi 245 5. deadsox 225 6. time 198.5 7. Death Impends 197.1 8. FixedBusiness 185 9. msc 181 10. Sean 172.4 11. Toast 154 =12. gcreptile 147 =12. Wormfarmer 147 14. Book 145 15. maryportfuncity 136 =16. Pedro67 135 =16. The Unknown Man 135 18. Lord Fellatio Nelson 134 19. Prophet 131.1 20. Sir Creep 112 21. drol 110.1 22. the_engineer 105 23. Exu 95 24. Rotten Ali 87 25. DevonDeathTrip 78.3 26. John Key 70 27. Deathray 45 =28. Bibliogryphon 25 =28. YoungWillz 25 30. Joey Russ 0

JULY Clive King was dumped on July 10. LFN gets 25 base points, plus 10 extra for being the only one to stig King on his team. The following day, Lindy Remigino died, and despite his death surprisingly avoiding the UK press, the lucky Lindy pickers here are able to get by on a New York Times obit. 25 points for gcreptile and 10 for drol. Weird to think that over two years ago, there were still three out of four Frank Sinatra wives living. But Barbara Sinatra died not long after, and on July 13 last year the tally went down to one with Nancy Barbato Sinatra leaving today. Book had her as a sub here, and gets 25 points. AUGUST August proved to be a pivotal month for the 2018 HPDP, with three popular hits and the greatest HPDP hit ever... but before all that, Dead Women Walk... yesteryear Hollywood actress Mary Carlisle died on August 1, with CaptainChorizo and Book both picking up 30 points. Charlotte Rae died on August 5, with 9 teams taking heed to the fact of life that a cancer sufferer who appeared on Hollywood Squares is a good HPDP pick: RadGuy gets 45+27=72 points. The Dead Cow and Toast get 40+24=64. time and I 35+21=56. msc and Wormfarmer 30+18=48. drol 15+9=24. and CaptainChorizo hits his second sub for 50 points. Another popular hit followed a few weeks later. Stefan Karl Stefansson would be careful not to make a sound on August 21, with 6 teams chanting "We are number one!": Deathray gets 45 points. FixedBusiness 40. deadsox and Wormfarmer 30. and John Key and the engineer 25. And on August 25, the most popular hit (and second most popular pick, after Leah Bracknell) of the 2018 HPDP, John McCain, died. 18 teams took the not-all-that-mavericky move of picking him: Exu and John Key get 45 points. deadsox, RadGuy, and The Dead Cow 40. Pedro, Sean, Uschi 35. Book, CaptainChorizo, gcreptile, Prophet, and The Unknown Man 30. drol, Wormfarmer, and I 25. maryportfuncity 20. and msc 15. And now for what has to be the greatest ever HPDP hit. On August 30, ER actress Vanessa Marquez was checked on by the police. Things got heated between them, and she eventually pointed a BB gun at the cops, who retaliated by shooting her dead. She was picked by The Dead Cow as there were reports in late 2017 that she had a terminal disease. Now then, as for a few possible bonuses and whether she counts for them... Death of candidate in spite of extremely high improbability or unlikeliness of same. YES. While she had a terminal illness, it was seemingly a slow burning one. I think it's likely she would've lasted years yet without this incident. Murder, Suicide, Lightning NO. As far as I can tell, her pointing the gun was a heat of the moment type thing, rather than herself wanting to be killed. And since she was shot after pointing a gun at the police, they had a justifiable rationale for shooting her as far as I'm concerned, but... Death worthy of a Darwin Award. YES. ...pointing a gun at the police when they're checking on you is still really fecking stupid! So in total Dead Cow gets 45 base points, plus unique * unlikely * Darwin = 180 bonus points. 225 points in all! Scoreboard for up to the end of August, with the shock Marquez hit a massive game changer and leaving Dead Cow with a commanding lead: 1. The Dead Cow 400 2. RadGuy 267.3 3. CaptainChorizo 259 4. Uschi 245 5. Death Impends 197.1 6. deadsox 185 7. Sean 172.4 8. time 168.5 9. msc 166 10. FixedBusiness 165 11. gcreptile 147 12. Book 145 13. maryportfuncity 136 =14. Pedro67 135 =14. The Unknown Man 135 16. Prophet 131.1 17. Toast 124 18. Wormfarmer 117 19. drol 110.1 20. the_engineer 105 21. Lord Fellatio Nelson 99 22. Rotten Ali 87 23. Sir Creep 84 24. John Key 70 25. Exu 65 26. Deathray 45 27. Bibliogryphon 25 =28. DevonDeathTrip 0 =28. Joey Russ 0 =28. YoungWillz 0

Tuesday 20th August 2019 Birmingham v Barsnley (19:45) [CH] 2-1 Sheff Wed v Luton Town (19:45) [CH] 3-0 Hull City v Blackburn (19:45) [CH] 0-2 Middlesborough v Wigan Athletic (19:45) [CH] 2-1 Derby County v Bristol City (19:45) [CL] 1-1 Wednesday 21st August 2019 Cardiff City v Huddersfield (19:45) [CL] Preston v Stoke City (19:45) [CL] QPR v Swansea City (19:45) [CL] Leeds United v Brentford (19:45) [CL] Charlton v Nottingham Forest (19:45) [CL] Fulham v Millwall (19:45) [CL] West Brom v Reading (19:45) [CL]  Friday 23rd August 2019 Aston Villa v Everton (20:00) [PL] Saturday 24th August 2019 Norwich City v Chelsea (12:30) [PL] Derby County v West Brom (12:30) [CH] Brighton v Southampton (15:00) [PL] Man Utd v Crystal Palace (15:00) [PL] Watford v West Ham (15:00) [PL] Sheff Utd v Leicester City (15:00) [PL] QPR v Wigan Athletic (15:00) [CH] Fulham v Nottingham Forest (15:00) [CH] Stoke City v Leeds United (15:00) [CH] Preston v Sheffield Wednesday (15:00) [CH] Hull City v Bristol City (15:00) [CH] Huddersfield v Reading (15:00) [CH] Blackburn v Cardiff City (15:00) [CH] Barnsley v Luton Town (15:00) [CH] Middlesbrough v Millwall (15:00) [CH] Liverpool v Arsenal (17:30] [PL] Sunday 25th August 2019 Swansea City v Birmingham (12:00) [CH] Bournemouth v Man City (14:00) [PL] Tottenham v Newcastle (16:30) [PL] Wolves v Burnley (16:30) [PL] I'll do more tomorrow. I think you might have created a monster, good luck with it.

I take your a 'wait for the team sheets' fella.

 Tuesday 20th August 2019 Birmingham v Barsnley (19:45) [CH] 2-0 Birmingham Sheff Wed v Luton Town (19:45) [CH] 1-0 Wednesday Hull City v Blackburn (19:45) [CH] 3-1 Hull Middlesborough v Wigan Athletic (19:45) [CH] 2-0 Middlesborough Derby County v Bristol City (19:45) [CL] 3-0 Derby  Wednesday 21st August 2019 Cardiff City v Huddersfield (19:45) [CL] 1-4 Huddersfield Preston v Stoke City (19:45) [CL] 0-3 Stoke QPR v Swansea City (19:45) [CL] 0-2 Swansea Leeds United v Brentford (19:45) [CL] 3-1 Leeds Charlton v Nottingham Forest (19:45) [CL] 1-1 Fulham v Millwall (19:45) [CL] 0-0 West Brom v Reading (19:45) [CL] 2-0 West Brom Friday 23rd August 2019 Aston Villa v Everton (20:00) [PL] 1-2 Everton Saturday 24th August 2019 Norwich City v Chelsea (12:30) [PL] 0-0 Derby County v West Brom (12:30) [CH] 3-2 Derby Brighton v Southampton (15:00) [PL] 1-1 Man Utd v Crystal Palace (15:00) [PL] 2-0 Man United Watford v West Ham (15:00) [PL] 1-2 West Ham Sheff Utd v Leicester City (15:00) [PL] 0-4 Leicester QPR v Wigan Athletic (15:00) [CH] 3-1 QPR Fulham v Nottingham Forest (15:00) [CH] 1-1 Stoke City v Leeds United (15:00) [CH] 2-1 Stoke Preston v Sheffield Wednesday (15:00) [CH] 0-1 Wednesday Hull City v Bristol City (15:00) [CH] 3-0 Hull Huddersfield v Reading (15:00) [CH] 2-1 Huddersfield Blackburn v Cardiff City (15:00) [CH] 0-0 Barnsley v Luton Town (15:00) [CH] 2-2 Middlesbrough v Millwall (15:00) [CH] 1-0 Middlesborough Liverpool v Arsenal (17:30] [PL] 2-1 Liverpool  Sunday 25th August 2019 Swansea City v Birmingham (12:00) [CH] 3-1 Swansea Bournemouth v Man City (14:00) [PL] 0-3 Man City (A VAR decision will go in Man Citys favour) Tottenham v Newcastle (16:30) [PL] 5-1 Spurs Wolves v Burnley (16:30) [PL] 2-0 Wolves

The top 10 jokes at this year's Edinburgh Fringe: Olaf Falafel I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets. Richard Stott Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy." Milton Jones What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh. Jake Lambert A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. That's 20 cows'. Ross Smith A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it. Ross Smith Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning. Adele Cliff I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it. Richard Pulsford After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging. Mark Simmons To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian. Ivo Graham I've got an Eton-themed Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts.

Kathleen Blanco at hit for me here.

Sterling and important work completed here and congrats commendations to DI and congrats to DC. Obviously, the band of winners and former winners of the HDPD is a dead pooling niche elite frequented by only the most skilful, or summat. Then again, as a former winner my dismal performance last year suggests losing a touch is way easier than finding it in this most demanding of dead pools!

I'll just pop that under the electron microscope.

90% sure it’s fake, considering it’s the same person who put his death with the source of the fake news generator earlier today.

You would be faster naming the one person who didn't pick her Long night ahead...

After a month-long HPDP drought, a hurricane of Kathleen Blanco pickers benefit from her death, 9 teams to be precise: John Key gets 40 points. FixedBusiness, maryport and Sean 35. Book, drol, msc, and Rad 30. and CaptainChorizo 25. Only two new deaths are reflected with this scoreboard, which sees msc staying in the lead while the order of those chasing him shuffles: 1. msc 262 2. drol 222.5 3. CaptainChorizo 210 4. maryportfuncity 209 5. Phantom of the Midway 198.5 6. theoldlady 195 7. Sir Creep 186 8. John Key 165 9. Wormfarmer 159 10. Lord Fellatio Nelson 153 11. gcreptile 140 12. markb4 126.05 13. Sean 119 14. Skinny kiltrunner 112 15. Book 99 16. Prophet 98.58 17. FixedBusiness 95 18. Clorox Bleachman 90 19. Pedro67 84 20. YorkshireBanker 83.12 21. time 63 22. The Mad Hatter 57 23. the_engineer 51.5 =24. Exu 50 =24. The Old Crem 50 26. Toast 45 27. nantonian2013 35 28. JoeMoneypenny 28 29. The Unknown Man 25 30. WidowsPeak 20 31. Torva Messor 12 =32. Bibliogryphon 0 =32. Death Impends 0 =32. Deathray 0 =32. DevonDeathTrip 0 =32. Joey Russ 0 =32. YoungWillz 0

My first DDP hit across three teams since...March! Lawdy, it's been a long year...

It's good-bayou to Kathleen Blanco, who was the least popular pick in the pool. GraveDanger, msc, and Newjack each draw a Blanc. 1. drol 1 =2. Bibliogryphon 4 =2. CaptainChorizo 4 4. Phantom of the Midway 10 =5. markb4 12 =5. Mercarte 12 7. Sir Creep 14 =8. BuffaloPhil 15 =8. gcreptile 15 =8. machotrouts 15 =8. paddyfool 15 =12. An Fear Beag 16 =12. FixedBusiness 16 =14. Clorox Bleachman 17 =14. QTips 17 =14. Spade_Cooley 17 17. GraveDanger 18 18. The Quim Reaper 19 19. Banana 20 =20. Dr_T 21 =20. Pedro67 21 =22. manuel 22 =22. Torva Messor 22 =24. charon 23 =24. The Unknown Man 23 =26. deadsox 24 =26. JoeMoneypenny 24 28. The Old Crem 25 29. Great Uncle Bulgaria 26 =30. Book 27 =30. Death Impends 27 =30. Skinny kiltrunner 27 =30. The Mad Hatter 27 34. Wormfarmer 28 =35. Joey Russ 31 =35. Toast 31 =37. Grim Up North 32 =37. YoungWillz 32 =39. En Passant 33 =39. Newjack 33 41. theoldlady 34 42. Master Tech 40 43. Philip 55 44. Neobrakeon 59 45. Bentrovato 60 46. nantonian2013 76 47. Team Wean 82 48. msc 129

Every single obit we post is a change of address

His wife Rosalynn Carter is 92 years today She should also been included next years list.

FYI, that video was uploaded to youtube three years ago. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JWKXI8nEOQ Which is when I posted it.

94 Years old but no new info on him for some time

Jeez the balls on this guy

Khayyam now dead.