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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends £15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the assistant, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”. ‘About 32,’ is the reply.’ ‘No! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, ‘I’d say about 29.’‘No, I’m 50.’ the woman replies with a big smile. Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a another shop on her way home. She goes up to the counter to and asks the assistant the same burning question. The assistant responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’ Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’ While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.He replies, ‘Madam, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’ They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘Oh bugger it, go on then" He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’ He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’ Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’ ‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.

I wasn't sure how I would feel when the time eventually came where I won a major dead pool, but this really means a lot to me. The fact that my first legitimate dead pool win comes from a pool so high up on the totem pool of great pools makes it feel even more rewarding. So much better than the time I won a pool by a super randomized list which ended very quickly. Winning a major dead pool was definitely something 15 year old me wanted to achieve, but if you told me that I would actually win a pool before I turned 20, I probably wouldn't have believed you. But here we are today, finally having years of work finally pay off into this win. This year was definitely a roller coaster ride in terms of how my Alt Obits team went. I started really strong with 6 hits by the end of January (including a daily double), but then really slowed down in the next few months after that. In fact, I was actually all the way down in 10th in mid May, and I thought that I would be heading for a super poor performance then. It wasn't until Marian Cisovsky that I thought I would get out of an embarrassing performance, and it wasn't until Dale Hawerchuk that I thought I even stood a chance of winning. And even then, a win never felt super secure the following months after. Indeed, had someone younger than Cisovsky ended up dying, I would've lost. No doubt the deaths of Patricio Frez, Tracey Smothers, Tabare Vazquez, and Ged Stokes made me super nervous in those final months. But in the end, I just had enough to win this pool. And I'm pretty satisfied with it. I definitely give my commiserations to drol, who would've ended up winning had someone younger than Cisovsky died. You definitely have a bright future ahead in dead pooling, and I'm sure one day you will win in Alt Obits. As for me, well, I'm just hoping for a solid follow up to this win. It has already been a quick start for me with 3 hits so far, but I feel I may struggle to keep up with some of the more researched teams this time. But hey, if I lose this time, it happens. Anyway, thanks to all of the amazing competitors in this pool, especially those on forum. We really did kick it out of the park this time. I am also grateful for the lives of those picks of mine who ended up dying in 2020. I'm sure most of them were great people. Except for Roger Scruton. He was a cunt. And of course, I am very grateful for Hulka running this pool every year, and him dealing with all of our lists each year. One last thing I'll say. The replacement picks of yours is just as important as your original 40. In 2019, I had a whopping 22 rejected picks, but only three of my replacement picks actually scored. Whereas this time I had 15 rejected picks, but 7/12 replacement names scored for me. Anyway, good luck to everyone in this years pool.

Erm, yeah... Did that theory go on to mention the moon landings? Just askin'.

Just to keep track of the final twenty 1. Norma Barzman. 2. Eileen Bennett. 3. Gottfried Bohm. 4. Clarissa Eden (Book) 5. Ben Ferencz. 6. Edmond H. Fischer 7. Ann Fortune Fitzroy (Yvonne) 8. Loretta Ford. 9. Anna Halprin. 10. Gail Halvorsen. 11. Mollie Lentaigne. 12. Dominique Marcas (Lafaucheuse) 13. Captain Tom Moore (The Old Crem) 14. Laurent Noel 15. Bill Pitman (Death Impends) 16. Michael Shaw 15 Jan 2021. 17. George Shultz (Chilean Way) 18. Neal Edward Smith 19. Paula Stafford 20. Arnold Yarrow (Bibliogryphon) Any not taken pick is still up for grabs. Last one standing wins.

Full list of potential winners: 1. Isabelle Aubrey (di) 2. Franco Battiato (af) 3. Solange Berry (di) 4. Frank Borman (ba) 5. Robbie Coltrane (to) 6. Anatomy Filipchenko (ba)* 7. Ferry Graf (di) 8. Ken Mattingly (ba) 9. James McDivitt (ba) 10. Olivia Newton John (af) 11. Nora Nova (af) 12. Simone de Olivera (af) 13. Jean Philippe (di) 14. Marcos Pontes (gr) 15. Leonid Popov (gr) 16. Vladimir Shatalov (gr) 17. Tom Stafford (ba) 18. Roy Taylor (af) 19. Tonina Torrielle (di) 20. Aleksei Yeliseyev (gr) 

I wholeheartedly approve as I'm sure you have discerned already! The changes to unique picks are a brilliant move by the Derby Dead pool committee.

Agree he should have his own thread. One of the biggest music artists in the world right now, and it seems like a matter of when not if. He’ll overdose or be shot down.

Trump dies from the virus. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell. "No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump. The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"

Baron Benjamin de Rothschild has died aged 57. Obituaries: Daily Mail, Financial Times

congrats Joey Brilliantly played,could see that point total being hard to top by anyone for a long time

Congratulations Joey! Well earned!

Just noticed that this is the first time since their 2013 debuts that nobody in the DDP picked Ryan Buell or Scott Thorson. One team is still holding on to Ritchii Kara though.

Congratulations Joey! A well-earned victory.

An excellent showing all round from the representatives of the DL Forum. I am more than content to scrape into the top 20.

Swing low sweet chariot

Well done, Joey! Your first major deadpooling crown.

Hmm, Facebook isn't embedding on forum? Anyhow, congrates to Joey who has just been announced as winner of the 2020 Alt Obits pool.

A wealthy, 89-year-old artificial sweetener magnate who made Sweet’N Low a household name has committed suicide by jumping from his Park Avenue apartment building, law enforcement sources told The Post. Donald Tober, CEO and co-owner of the New York-based 1,400-employee Sugar Foods, leapt to his death just after 5 a.m. Friday, and was found in the courtyard of the luxury Upper East Side building between 65th and 66th streets, the sources said. SC

Mind the newly improved unique bonus. There's centenarians worth 8 points this year.

Mad hatter still alive and posting as someone else.

2003 champ Otis, You Want A Treat? still has three survivors with Menzies Campbell, Lee Starkey, and Norman Tebbit.

Old Crem leaps four places with a unique pick of New York Dolls Guitarist Sylvian Sylvian - owt else gannin' on that I've missed? https://www.theguardian.com/music/2021/jan/15/sylvain-sylvain-guitarist-of-new-york-dolls-dies

When they have this kind of recurrence it usually doesnt end well.I'm afraid Mr Brokenshire is not likely to live to old age, or be a govt minister again.That said I wish him all the best of course !

Sadly there are too few SNP members to make a DDP theme team...