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Ahem, so no update will be coming this week, as I think my own mental health is slowly declining and starting to get worse. I will definitely get a much needed increase in counseling to try to improve my health, but I am not sure when the next update is coming. I sincerely apologize for the lack of an update in recent weeks.

I see they have a helpful educational panel captioned "What is quinsy?" They should have another one captioned "Who is Bianca Gascoigne?"

Someone's losing more than an hour tonight... Can't hate my nan, she dead. So are most of my men. Hmm, who to hate......?

I could move to Portugal and leave them in a hotel room while I got tapas’ed to fuck with my chums, and then sell my soul to Max Clifford when my kids are peado’d to death by Sanchez McTaco. Bingo! Quids in!

It is out of the question I’m afraid. Guess I’ll just have to rely on all those strangers I shag off the Internet, eh Deathers?

FTFY

I concur, and only wish I was married so I could divorce the cunt.

Did that in 2013. Lost 19 stones as well- 3 of which were my own.

Stop Sky/Netflix etc. Everything available semi legally elsewhere. And in Netfilxs case, usually in better quality...

At the risk of sounding like a character from The Good Life, we've been beekeeping for the last few years and haven't bought sugar since. That said, it'll take a few decades for the savings to show, as it wasn't that cheap to set up. I also run a few lobster pots, but concede that can't be a practical arrangement for everybody.

Do a shopping list for your supermarket trips and stick to it. Aisle cruising results in very expensive shops.

WOAH. I'd like to depart from that theory. I'd rather go bankrupt

There are ways to save money. First stop buying unhealthy products like: fizzy drinks/sodas, all processed snacks like Potato chips, pretzels, pre-baked cakes and cookies, candy, alcohol, frozen dinners, junk food, instant noodles, packaged gravies, etc. Basically buy only real food - the so-called food with only one ingredient: like eggs, flour, fresh vegetables, meats, fruits, etc. Drink only water, CUT down on tea and coffee. Buy bulk foods, and then put them in small freezer bags and freeze until needed. Consider the portions of food you really need. Like in Norway, mince meat/hamburger meat is usually sold in 400 gram packages. I buy 5 kilos of hamburger meat and pack it into small freezer bags of only 300 grams. This is the portion for 2 older adults. Buy bulk real oatmeal for breakfast and use honey instead of sugar. N.B. you might lose some weight doing this, but saving money and getting healthy are good things. It will mean cooking a bit, However for example homemade brown gravey made with flour and margarine, some onion bits added afterwards is very good! Stop going out to eat and to the pubs. Buy the store brands. Pay off all credit cards as soon as possible. To be continued....

Pah. Stiff Little Fingers, Edinburgh Playhouse, January 1982. The 22nd from memory. Lfn probably beats the pair of us, Duran Duran/Spandau Ballet whilst wearing eyeliner at a guess, in 81.

Use a Cash and Carry. I get a 5 kg pack of 18 fat juicy chicken breasts for twenty quid, individually wrap them and bung them in the freezer. They last me ages. Also I buy bog roll, laundry liquid and canned soft drink in bulk for much cheapness.

We got a small overdraft on the main bank account when weans were born. Useful safety net, but the better safety net is budgeting and not spending what you don't have, as you say. I'd advise against paying bills with direct debits. Experience of those is that the fuckers come off the account on any day of the month bar the one they're meant to! So in the long run.. Btw, Cat, Fifty quid? A month? After bills/household necessities, I don't spend 50 quid on myself in a year Shopping tips? Cut unnecessary stuff, buy the cheapest sensible things (ie if you're buying, say, lean mince cheap, there's probably a reason...). Tins, dried pasta, cut out ready meals etc. Basic pasta and a tomato sauce is cheaper than most ready meals. Healthier too. Only adds about 10 mins to prep time too. En Passant's Point 3 is a good one there. Shop around so you know the cheapest places. Basically budget the bugger to the 9th degree, then you'll find space for that preferred coffee. Draw up a household budget for the month, stick it to the wall where you'll notice in your bedroom, and stick to it. Oh, and open up a savings account. Apologies for the Captain Obvious offerings...

Good Idea Phil. Been getting more and more parsimonious the more I learn about the things we buy. Although I don't have a great deal of money neither am I in penury, however like many I object to being ripped off. Here's a couple of things I learned to do. 1.As you point out, branded goods cost more than non branded or own brand. Usually, though not always to no benefit. You are double whammied here, you pay more for the product, and then have to suffer the advertising your money paid for. A Vicious circle. 2. Try to check everything back to a cost per kilo. Cheddar in Lidl at 4.20 a kilo for example, or a branded cheddar in the big 4 at double that. Can you tell the difference? I usually can't. 3. Avoid prepared food there is a massive markup on this. Something like sliced potatoes with cheese on top marketed as potato-au-gratin or such might be 3 or 4 times the cost of its constituent parts and saves nothing but a few minutes of prep time. Work out the cost - See 2 above. 4 Lidl and Aldi are generally cheaper but not always so. I'm sort of a veggie and like those Linda McCartney sausages. Used to be 1.29 at Lidl/Aldi, recently both put them up to 1.49. This is still better than the 2 quid the big 4 ask for exactly the same thing, but occasionally they do them for a quid on an offer. (seen in both Morrisons and Tescos), you might have to buy 2 for that, but they are frozen so its not a big deal. There's probably more of me being a tightwad in my head somewhere, but lets not post a doctoral thesis on it here. eh? Incidentally, if you mean instant coffee, I definitely can't drink the cheap stuff, but the golden roast own brand stuff is indistinguishable from gold blend to my palate. If you mean real coffee, as you were.....;)

I've not paid so much as a penny in bank charges for at least 20 years by simply not going into the red. I'm not a rich man by any means; I just live within my budget. My nephew on the other hand pays about £50 a month in charges because he can't resist spending money he doesn't have.

Most of the use a straw.

They tip-toed around the DNA issue. Which also explains the shoe size.

No, that was Jack Klugman.

What with Jim Bowen croaking it's time for the old darts joke: A monk and a nun are playing darts in a monastery. The monk throws his first dart and gets double top. Throwing the second dart he gets double top again. He throws the third dart, it hits the wire, bounces off and hits the nun right between the eyes. A voice from above booms "ONE NUN DEAD AND EIGHTY".

For what it's worth, my cousin was on "tour" with Cher for a decade up to around 2016 or so. She talks about Cher all the time, and has never given any indication that her "boss" is in any way suffering from poor health. Of course, that doesn't mean someone can't suddenly fall ill, or that my cousin would know personal details like that. Still, there's no reason she needs to gush on and on about her "wonderful" experience on tour with Cher unless she really means it, so I assume that at least things were pretty upbeat with Cher through 2016 or so. Not entirely sure if there's any meaningful correspondence between them anymore. Probably not. Maybe the odd Christmas card.

He was a nobody. In the grand scale of things. Anyone who gets famous for a cancer diary, is not properly famous...just sympathy famous. Not the same thing.