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Spontaneous human combustion

Wanking.

The Maytals made #47 in the UK charts with Monkey Man in May 1970:

British Children's writer and illustrator Shirley Hughes is releasing a new book in October called Dogger's Christmas.

I've been wondering how many people have died waiting for this man to die, looking forward for news like "Duke of Edinburgh dead at 74". Probably thousands.

He IS old

Indeed, I think to qualify as a ‘genuine’ poster you have to ‘suffer from anxiety’ and have at least one kid on the spectrum, and have a six figure combined household income but at the same time think you are ‘just getting by’. Absolute twats.

I stopped smoking 8 years ago after 16-17 years of smoking. My sense of taste has not improved significantly, but my sense of smell has. Unfortunately, this is the worse choice if you have to take trains to work ... in summer ... when the air conditioning fails ... at all ... people stink! But all in all it's good not to smoke anymore!

The enema is turning out to be more like a case of hemorrhoids ! If we go another 47 days without a hit it will be the longest gap since the disastrous year 2011 when there were only 7 hits.Also we are no longer the best year ever.We are now behind 2003 which had it's 13th hit on sep 11. If we don't have a hit by sep 26 we will also be behind 2017.What has gone wrong Grim Reaper? Have you died ??????????

You shagged my wife and ATE MY PEANUT BUTTER! You're a FUCKING DEAD MAN!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't really have guilty pleasures. The way I see it, if I like a song there's clearly something about that song that is appealing. I shouldn't have to feel ashamed about liking something that other folk may not enjoy, if that makes sense.

One time I got banned on there was when they were on about SN kids (all of them claim to have at least one child with "special needs". Well, we're all special, aren't we? But I digress.) Anyway, in a conversational way I said that my brain always reads SN as "sub normal" because in my day some children were classed as ESN (educationally sub normal). Or, as my mum used to say, "a bit backward". There was outrage and I got banned. Ridiculous. It's just a constant stream of ever-changing jargon that seems to get less and less informative about people's condition.

It's only guilty when my wife is sleeping beside me

John Fahey, a former Premier of New South Wales and former president of the World Anti-Doping agency, has died. He was 75. https://www.news.com.au/national/politics/former-nsw-premier-john-fahey-dies/news-story/31b390567ba70f12d4a98e9fa5dd3b19

Cheers Quim,. Merged.

Hallucinogens

As for presentation and delivery, you get a 10. As for correctly locating the Statistics thread, you get a 1.

Music? Kim Wilde. I love her singles. Films? There's a godawful comedy from 2003 called Churchill The Hollywood Years which I love. It was my introduction to Leslie Philips. Where else will Christian Slater, Anthony Sher and Harry Enfield share screen time? Rik Mayall's in it too, which is usually a big selling point for me. Books? They might be a bit basic (and obv written for kids) but I still think RL Stine's stuff is better than most "adult horror" fiction which goes on far too long talking about everything except the thing you bought it for. The film It cuts 9000 pages about architecture and just focuses on all the creepy clown scenes and is much better as a result.

I have to be honest and say that I am a bit thrown by that statement. There is a REAL crisis in the world outside of here, everything has gone fucking ape shit. The virus, the worst American President EVAH, and people taking to the streets to vent their spleens, to name just a few, have made the world unstable and directionless. This place isn't real, there are no medals or boasts, no taking things too seriously. It's a bit of fun, there can never be a crisis here. Oh, and welcome.

I've worked up some data about the trends this year, if you'd like to look at another cut or have any questions please let me know. Today is Friday Sept 11 2020, this is day number 252 this (leap) year. The record deaths per year is 17, to beat this in 2020 DL must reach 18. As of today, there are 12 successes. It has been 48 days since the last death on July 26 (this is the longest span between deaths this year). On July 26, DL had a success on average every 17.25 days. If a death occurs today, the average span will be 19.4 days. At this same rate, DL will reach 17.23 successes. In other words, we're facing a crisis here and every day we do not have a success we are less and less likely to reach our goal. Below, orange represents the count, gray the trend, and yellow the record to beat. 

Oh, no, he spoke!

So current advice for England & Wales (how do you put up with these tossers in charge?) Get up off your lazy arses and get back to work. We will support you if you have no other alternative, but we are not extending the furlough, so you'll have to guess what money to claim. Now get up, get on that packed train, meet as many of your workmates as possible, pop out for lunch, don't worry if there's a queue at Greggs or Subway, back to work, then pop back on a packed train full of different people from the train you were on this morning, pop in to the shop on the way home for bread/milk/fags/crisps,. etc, then get yourself home. Oh, and after meeting all those folk during the day, remember....no more than 6 folk in the house. That should stop the spread of death. What. A. Bunch. Of. Utter. Wankers.

Another gem from Matt ‘cock.

Gonna try to do something with survivors from every pool I competed in, and see if that can get to 250 names (including inverse). If not, I’ll add a few others at the end. It goes back in the order I find my teams in the dead pool thread. Yes, some of these names still embarrass me... 1. Steve Gleason 2. Sid Hartman 3. TG Sheppard 4. Val Kilmer 5. Dick van Dyke 6. Paul Gascoigne 7. Shannen Doherty 8. Queen Elizabeth 9. Donald Trump 10. Prince Philip 11. Angela Lansbury 12. Jimmy Carter 13. Tony Bennett 14. King Abdullah II of Jordan 15. Jimmy Greaves 16. Sandi Toksvig 17. Kanye West 18. Bob Dole 19. Prunella Scales 20. Nathaniel Parker 21. Sophia Loren 22. Pope Benedict XVI 23. Randy Quaid 24. Salah Abdeslam 25. Ian St John 26. Wayne Thiebaud 27. Ethel Kennedy 28. Bob Barker 29. Tracy Emin 30. Rolf Harris 31. Mike Hollingsworth 32. Norman MacFarlane 33. Mick Fleetwood 34. Nick Boles 35. Rick Davies 36. Linda Nolan 37. Vladimir Putin 38. Pete Doherty 39. Gino Odjick 40. Jason Becker 41. Ian Watkins 42. Daniella Westbrook 43. Michael Schumacher 44. Michael J Fox 45. Pete Sampras 46. Sacheen Littlefeather 47. Frank Bruno 48. Sean Connery 49. Mike Ditka 50. Edmund White 51. Holly Johnson 52. Saif al-Islam Gaddafi 53. David Jenkins 54. Henry Kissinger 55. Leo Beenhakker 56. Mr T 57. Nick Leeson 58. Ozzy Osbourne 59. Peter Alliss 60. Rex Williams 61. Shaun Ryder 62. Terry Waite 63. Gudrun Ure 64. Brian Wilson 65. Lui Xiang 66. Chuck Yeager 67. Christopher Ayres 68. Mahmoud Abbas 69. Peter Lorimer 70. Lyle Odelein 71. Dilip Kumar 72. Tim Curley 73. Christy Dignam 74. Mazie Hirono 75. Henry Mountcharles 76. Chris Rea 77. Holly Rowe 78. Nobby Stiles 79. Bernard Tapie 80. Rose West 81. Tommy Raudonikis 82. Johnny Ruffo 83. David Thomas 84. Norman Lloyd 85. Olivia Newton-John 86. Betty White 87. Alberto Fujimori 88. Joni Mitchell 89. Des Lynam 90. June Brown 91. Geoffrey Palmer 92. Charles Campion 93. Thelma Houston 94. Donald Rumsfeld 95. Stephen Sondheim 96. Saul Kripke 97. William Shatner 98. Alan Ayckbourn 99. Sidney Poitier 100. Barbara Eden 101. Shirley Williams 102. Bernard Cribbins 103. Elizabeth Kelly 104. Ronald Atkins 105. David Attenborough 106. Sian Phillips 107. Sara Jane Moore 108. James C Floyd 109. Robert Duvall 110. Ray Anthony 111. Johnny Briggs 112. Muhammad Buhari 113. DJ Casper 114. George Alagiah 115. Luis Palau 116. John Cleese 117. Terry Gilliam 118. Eric Idle 119. Michael Palin 120. Jean Louis Trintignant 121. Robert Graetz 122. Bill Freehan 123. Jean Marie Le Pen 124. Barry Du Bois 125. Clarissa Eden 126. Ian McKellen 127. Michael Nesmith 128. Lui Xia 129. Yang Chen-Ning 130. Katherine Jackson 131. Renaud 132. Willie Nelson 133. Mikhail Gorbachev 134. Leslie Phillips 135. Glynis Johns 136. Joanne Woodward 137. Lawrence Ferlinghetti 138. Mel Brooks 139. Harry Belafonte 140. Lee Kerslake 141. Kane Tanaka 142. Ruthie Thompson 143. Roberta McCain 144. James Watson 145. Stanley Crouch 146. Baba Suwe 147. Pervez Musharraf 148. Brian Cowen 149. David Gulpilil[\s] 150. Bruce Reid 151. Superstar Billy Graham 152. Susan Bayh 153. Tom Smith 154. Ron Boswell 155. Catherine Deneuve 156. Billy Connolly 157. Bill Turnbull 158. Ruth Bader Ginsburg 159. Ric Flair 160. Pierre Cardin 161. John Cruikshank 162. Lucia Hiriart 163. Al Jaffee 164. Norman Lear 165. Beverly Cleary 166. Stanley Baxter 167. Valery Giscard d’Estaing 168. Ronnie Wood 169. Samu Anoa’i 170. Bruce Anstey 171. Sonali Bendre 172. Paul Cosford 173. Jorie Graham 174. Walter Mzembi 175. Arash Sadeghi 176. CJ Sansom 177. Pat Smullen 178. Damo Suzuki 179. Doddie Weir 180. Eric Carle 181. Violeta Chamorro 182. David Prowse 183. David Crosby 184. Arthur Ashkin 185. Jasper Johns 186. Kris Kristofferson 187. Garth Brooks 188. Grandmaster Flash 189. Ice Cube 190. Justin Bieber 191. Paul McCartney 192. David Byrne 193. Smokey Robinson 194. John Carney 195. Peter Schjeldahl 196. Leon Spinks 197. Peter Tobin 198. Alex Trebek 199. Alcee Hastings 200. Sheldon Adelson 201. Eric Clapton 202. Tim Curry 203. Gerard Depardieu 204. Donald Fagen 205. Luke Halpin 206. Tony Iommi 207. Mick Jagger 208. Al Pacino 209. Jimmy Page 210. Anna Pavord 211. Iggy Pop 212. Keith Richards 213. Christopher Walken 214. Larry King 215. Tommy Chong 216. Sandy Gall 217. Lester Piggott 218. Murray Walker 219. Emperor Akihito 220. Dick Cheney 221. William H Gates 222. Cleo Laine 223. Luis Echeverria 224. Barbara Walters 225. Vanessa Redgrave 226. George Shultz 227. Imelda Marcos 228. Alan Greenspan 229. John Dugan 230. Shane MacGowan 231. Marijane Meaker 232. Ayatollah Isa Qassim 233. Harry Reid 234. Candi Stanton 235. Chuck Wepner 236. Jack Nicholson 237. Phil Spector 238. Bibian Mentel 239. Gianluca Vialli 240. Julie Strain 241. Lars Hogh 242. Mark Howard 243. Neddy Smith 244. Oskar Lindblom 245. Sylvain Sylvain 246. Yoo Sang-chul 247. Desmond Tutu 248. Bill Clinton 249. Colin Baker 250. Sharon Rockefeller