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If Bojo carks it and the funeral is limited to ten people, there won't even be enough room for all his kids!

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely: "Are - my - test - results - back?"

If you kill yourself , it's called suicide .If you kill someone , it's called homicide .If you kill thousands , it's called genocide .If you kill the King , it's called regicide .If you kill your brother , it's called fratricide .And , if you have 2 Premier League teams , and neither have won the League for over 20 years , it's called Merseyside

Paul from the Chuckle Brothers bumped into me in Asda earlier. I said "Oi, two metre you!"

The Quiet Five. I think Hailey drummed on the 1965 single and that Collins is right about Marsh drumming on Homeward Bound. The link you point to doesn't actually say Hailey hadn't left - this site is fairly comprehensive about Marsh, when he joined (NYE 1965), etc: http://www.whiteplainschronicles.com/2018/07/tex-marsh.html which also confirms Marsh was born 1944. According to sources, Ray Hailey briefly drummed for Simon K And The Meantimers, after which I can find nowt. John Howell - my sources are dry on him after the group dissolve in 1967. The Facebook page and Kris Ife home page are run by the same person who uploaded the vids to YouTube. She says she remains friends (albeit some time ago) with all of the survivors. Facebook doesn't look like it's been updated in 5 years, but possible to contact her through the other for some general info? Assuming she's not given up or snuffed it.

The Zephyrs: You probably know all this already. Here's Mike Lease's YouTube About: https://www.youtube.com/user/mikesilurilease/about?disable_polymer=1 which led me to the Ceilidh Band Site: https://www.murphys-law.org.uk/ and his phone number puts him in or around Newport in Wales. YouTube page indicates he was from South Wales originally. His comment on the video is about 2 years old, but hasn't posted a video for donkeys. LinkedIn Page here: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/mike-lease-10277a39 Here's John Peeby's IMDB page: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1169335/ Nothing of much help there. It's such an unusual name though, I'd have thought he could be found, I'm guessing born in the mid-late 40s. Carpenter and Hinde(s) elude me.

Just checked the DSCDP site, and I see we are now 2nd overall in pools. It looks like it was Grobler singlehandedly responsible for the jump from 4th, with Phil Phillips. Site wide solo and the Machine Gun Kelly bonus for a massive 106 points. Well done. Next stop, first place.

The charity shops are all closed and so are the tips. Does that help?

Concerned in that I'd rather not catch it and die, especially as the government keep pointing out I'm on the vulnerable list, but I'm not sitting around waiting for it to get me. I'm sitting around watching Netflix instead. I certainly think there's a lot of folk with undiagnosed heart issues and the like, LFN. I also think the reason it went nuts with 50-60 year olds in Iran is because that's folk who lived through Saddam gassing the fuck out of everyone in the 80s, so likely there's a lot of lung issues there in their older generations.

There might be, for all he knows.

Yeah, compiling more stats.

Love that man. Madness carried his coffin. Wonderful wordsmith.

You are in the wrong website I guess :/

Good morning! May I suggest that those of you who get stressed out about my posts in this thread, just stop reading them. Also I point out that the title of this thread is: Coronavirus Death Toll 2020 - where people can post the death toll in their areas, along with their own thoughts and reactions to what is happening. I understand that this situation is now hitting home for some of you. It is a scary situation. There are lots of other interesting threads to read on this site that might take your minds off these events. Because of the nature of this website though, death is a common theme, but usually not ones own. Keep safe!

Sandra Day O'Connor is 90 today! https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/politics/arizona/2020/03/26/sandra-day-oconnor-turns-90-her-history-detailed-online/5084021002/

James Callaghan, prime minister of the United Kingdom from 1976 to 1979, died on this day 15 years ago, aged 92.

Anyone can choose to be known by any name they like. However, only three of our monarchs have not reigned under their first given name. Victoria's first name was Alexandrina. Edward VII's first name was Albert after his father, but he didn't use it as his regnal name out of respect for his father. George VI was also an Albert, but used the name George to give the effect of continuity after the abdication of his brother. (Edward VIII was known to his family and friends by his last name, David, but his first name was Edward.)

Struck me in the course of a gallows humour conversation last night that the whole Covid-19 situation must be fucking over the business model for Dignitas good and proper. You gotta feel for them, eh?

Yes, see the post above. And... HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK WE COULD FORGET THE GREAT FREEMAN DYSON?

Good. That full stop always really irritated me.

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped at the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his purchases home. While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.' The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says, 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time". The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?' The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?' The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens'.

Stirling Moss as usual

A 14 year gap between posts? Life during retirement has obviously been good.