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I see Michael McIntyre has been robbed. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-44364912 I understand the thieves let him keep his jokes, as they were of no value....

I'm actually a trim 13st 11lbs you bastard..........and 13st of it is pure muscle.

The weed shops would definitely make the pastie shops more popular. And since the poor old bookies won't be able to pay the rent now their spawn of satan FoBT's are reduced in rip-off-per-spin there might be even more spaces. Win Win.

I'm Stanley Baxter and I claim my free Latte.

Aye, and window seats and free coffee for anyone turning up who is also in that year's DL top 50!

Never knew she was a real person. Never looked into why the company was called Jenny Craig. And I certainly did not expect an 85-year-old woman, I expected somebody younger! I really do learn something new every day.

As I mentioned in the thread for Marieke Vervoort, I did wonder that if she doesn't die this like many of us expected to, is there a way for those of us who jokered her to possibly win it? I think I found some ways that people could potentially win it without her. First, here's the scoreline for 15/16 teams (one would require a bunch of gambles to work to be a contender imo) I made for predictions for if we assume that she doesn't die with having my other assumptions remain the same (minus Satoru Anzaki, who I don't think will obit at this point): I then did some other team analysis to show what might be the most practical route for any of these teams to win (though some routes are more likely than others imo). Almost all picks were fair game, though there were a few picks such as Colin Butts and Matt Cappotelli that I assume will die and obit regardless of these scenarios: Maybe I'm overanalyzing a bit, but I mainly did this to show you that Marieke Vervoort may not be as crucial as you think she is. So don't give up hope if you think you're out of the running because she's not going to die this year...

Aye - more real estate becoming available than yer average British high street knows how to use I mean, there are openings for cult businesses here - like a cafe specialising in dead pooling, or summat

Aye, my point being that it doesn't make it a Brit female film editor then.

They are not saying he is ill but this does look unplanned or this is contingency planning to hand the reins to Gyles Brandreth and getting the public used to that concept before the event happens. We don't want another Humph situation. Nicholas Parsons misses first Just A Minute in 50 years.

What's yellow & blue with a really tight cunt at one end?. An Aldi bag.

Unsure about the rogue quote box (admins please?) but as usual, the Scots do it better: http://www.pieandbovril.com/forum/index.php?/topic/222924-tidy-scottish-newsreaders/

My day off today and I am currently watching Carol Kirkwood do the weather. She is as sexy as fuck. Maturity, maturity!!!

One way some owners of high street space have been trying to cope is by pushing up rental prices which is one of the reasons some of the chains are now looking at cutting the number of outlets. Yeah, weed shops within sniffing distance of the local Greggs might be the future.

A founding member of the Grammy-winning gospel group the Blind Boys of Alabama has died. Clarence Fountain was 88. Fountain died Sunday in a hospital in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, where he had been taken Friday, manager Charles Driebe of Atlanta said in an email Monday. The group won four Grammys, a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award and a National Endowment for the Arts National Heritage Fellowship, and were members of the Gospel Music Hall of Fame. Anyone in Scavenger Hunt II have Mr. Fountain the Grammy winner? (Edit: Nope!) SC

Conway Twitty stopped singing on this day 25 years ago, aged 59.

The Italian elections are fun tho YW. Their new EU minister has wanted out of the Euro in the very recent past, and views the German economic policies in the same way as their military ones in the 30's. The EU will crumble, its just a matter of 'when'

Last survivor of the original wave of von Braun scientists Oscar Holderer got multiple UK reports of his death. GVT arrived a few years after. Will that be enough, we shall see...

Poor guy. Great artist but always prefered Garfunkel to him.

If the UK legalised weed it could fill those empty shops up fast with weed shops,barkeries,clubs,cafes etc.The possibilities are vast and it would be a huge boost to the economy. It's only a matter of time anyway before it's legalised in Europe and north America.The UK could get ahead of the game and ahead of the EU.

Does anyone know who the Will Jordan in my team is? I've obviously made a note of his name somewhere, but when I googled him just now, he seems to be a prolific and not very old author, with the other alternative being a bigamist with ten children. Neither are ill as far as I could work out.

They aren’t going to drop even if he suddenly becomes the healthiest person in the world...

And SC, a potato? A 'meal'? Ffs, get a grip. Did remind me of my favourite potato joke tho. Q/ How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? A/ None.

I hope we all brown our mince in its own fat. There is no need to put oil or fat in the pan first.

The wife and I had a terrible blazing row the other night. She was slapping me, shouting at me, throwing things at me. She screamed “How could you?! How could you fuck my sister?!” I defended, “Look, it was on a plate! She was there, at my work, sprawled out, bollock naked, what was I meant to do?!” She bawled back, “The fucking autopsy, you sick cunt!”