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Finally some clarity! New step by step UK Covid-19 guidance. Correct as of 16th April. 1. Basically, you can't leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can. 2. Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one. Maybe masks help. It is mandatory to wear them in some places, possibly. 3. Stores are closed, except those that are open. 4. You should not go to hospitals or surgeries unless you have to go there. The same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick. 5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that it actually leads to a global disaster. 6. Gloves won't help, but they can still help. 7. Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it's important to GO OUT. 8. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the morning. Sometimes. 9. The virus has no effect on children, except those it affects. 10. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there… and what about that bat? 11. You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms. 12. In order not to get sick, you have to eat well and exercise. But to avoid going out, eat whatever you have on hand, and it's better not to go out, except to buy food, maybe. 13. It's better to get some fresh air, but you get looked at very sternly when you do get some fresh air. Most importantly, don't go to parks or walk. Don’t sit down, except you can do that if you are old, but not for too long, or if you are pregnant (but not too old). 14. You can't go to retirement homes, or the homes of elderly relatives, but you have to take care of the elderly and bring food and medication to them. 15. If you are sick, you can't go out, but you can go to the pharmacy. 16. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house, which may have been prepared by people who didn't wear masks or gloves. But to have your groceries decontaminated, leave outside for 3 hours. Store pizza = isolate. Fresh pizza = too tasty to wait. 17. Every disturbing article or disturbing interview starts with " I don't want to trigger panic, but…" 18. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but you can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver. 19. You can walk around with a friend but not with your family if they don't live under the same roof. 20. You are safe if you maintain the appropriate social distance, but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance. 21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn't say hours, maybe days? But it takes a damp environment. Or a dry one. 22. The virus stays in the air - well no, or yes, maybe, especially in a closed room. In one hour a sick person can infect ten, so all our children were already infected at school before they were closed. But remember, stay at the recommended social distance. However in certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, as studies show the virus can travel further, maybe. Walk in the road to avoid someone on the pavement who looks like the sort of person who would probably give you a virus. 23. We count the number of deaths but we don't know how many people are infected, as we have only so far tested those who were "almost dead" to find out if that's what they will die of. 24. We have no treatment, except that there may be one that apparently is not dangerous unless you take it wrongly, or you're the wrong person to take it. 25. We should stay locked up until the virus disappears, but it will only disappear if we achieve collective immunity… but for that to happen, we must no longer be locked up.

It's fascinating. Everyone is still in with a chance!

Do you think they were sucking some of the fat out of his buttcheeks so that he could pull his head out of his arse?

Dead

The ethics of stealing nursing staff from poor third world countries who have paid for their training costs, and then do not have enough hospital facilities and staff for their own population always stuck me as a bit dubious.

Anyone wishing to show their appreciation for Amazon delivery drivers are asked to clap at their homes tomorrow anytime between 9am and 6pm

Today's numbers coming in. 847. Five scorers today. You're getting good at this. Death Duke 20 Old Crem 20 MPFC 20 Paddyfool 20 DDT 10 Exu 10 Chilean way 10 Quim Reaper 10 Grim up North 5 Engineer 5 Bentravo 5 Susan 5 Youth in Asia 5 Red rumours 5  Buffalo Phil 5

Bonetti and Hunter also played against each other in the 1970 FA Cup Final.

Fiona Apple's new album.

What does "in contact with" mean?

That's true. Actually I'm fucking tired of the whole "underlying conditions" thing. Almost all those people did not die for their "underlying conditions", died of the damned COVID. It's like saying I have diabetes and get run over by a car, and the cause of death is given as diabetes. Last person who died of COVID I knew was a 78-year old neighbour. He looked at least 10-15 years younger, was in full health and incredibly active. Well, he catches COVID (from his daughter who got it from another woman who is now dead) and is dead in ten days more or less. The daily bulletin from my borough (there were 5 COVID deaths in my borough yesterday) reports "all people were suffering from underlying issues". Bullshit. A lie they initially told to calm people, but how the fuck are they continuing after dozens of healthy 30-40-50 years old have died? This guy, according to his family, only suffered from a minor episode of pneumonia three years ago. Yeah, those were the "underlying conditions". What should I say? Consider myself mincemeat, I have hypertension, have been suffering from bronchial pneumonia various times and some heart issues, I have also a blood disorder. Nothing of this influences my life in any way. But I would be just another "underlying conditions" person who dies from it. As a side note, mortality in my borough has increased of 310% in March in comparison to last year. Only half of deaths are attributed to COVID. Guess the other were random, oh yes...

That's a bit beyond nanny state. What is it with this pandemic bringing out borderline dictatorships over the edge. Starts off optional will soon be mandatory.

Nor is rolling your car into a field at speed.

Save the comments... “You’re going to HELL!! You’ll pay!” ”No, I know the owner, I get in for free.”

So I dropped Vialli after the in remission news in all of the pools I’m in and replaced him with Christophe in all the pools. Look like I made the right call there cause even if he does die this year, Christophe is still worth more points than Vialli at death.

Rolf Harris was the worst ventriloquist ever, he used to put his hand up my arse but tell me NOT to say anything.

This is amazing. I don't check in as often as I should with you fine chaps and chapesses at the moment, but I happened to be on tonight and saw this thread trending. I thought 'has it finished?!' Of course not! Not fancying my chances though - my best bet is two rather sprightly-looking Dallas actors. I have got a 98-year old Grammy winner though, but that would put me in the seemingly never ending purgatory that is World Boxing Champions. Is there really nobody whose death would win it for two people simultaneously?

I can’t see the harm in spam.

Now UK 1: 8/30 Now UK 2: 7/30 Now UK 3: 6/30 Now UK 4: 4/32 Now UK 5: 4/30 As you can see, the UK pop charts aren’t really my strong suit. Though annoyingly, there were songs that I recognized the artist but didn’t recognize the song itself...

Paracetamol should be okay and will ease the symptoms of your body's response. I'd just advise you to stay clear of ibu-profen Vitamin C and D3 are very good. I would also advise Omega 3 – it's more use against a bacteria than a virus but still effective.

If this doesn't finish him off, nothing will:

Maurice Barrier (87) est malheureusement mort du coronavirus, mais Line Renaud (91) nous souhaite des joyeuses fêtes de pâques:

Being in self-quarantine has meant I've finally managed to get stuck into Black Mirror on Netflix. I've watched 7 of them so far, they're all unique stories and they've all been brilliant; intriguing, haunting and insane in their own way. I can't recommend it enough! Two stand out ones for me so far are episodes called "The National Anthem" and "White Bear".

I grew up with Zammo and his Just Say No campaign. I have been saying No to anything that sounds vaguely fun ever since.