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News: Yep, that's gotta be Cain! Paul Cain, of course. 3 points plus unique point for Spade Cooley. 1. JoeMoneyPenny Vs. Pedro 3-3 2. Nantonian 2013 Vs. Maryportfuncity 0-3 3. Gooseberry Crumble Vs. John Key 0-3 4. Spade Cooley Vs. Squonk 16-0 5. Markb4 vs Dr T 0-6 6. Banana Vs. Great Uncle Bulgaria 12-0 7. Yorkshire Banker Vs. Skinny Kiltrunner 9-9 8. Alt Obits Guy Vs. Time 13-0 9. Clorox Vs. Fixed Business 16-3 10. The Mad Hatter Vs. Exu 9-0 11. Master Tech Vs. Bibliogryphon 0-0 12. The Unknown Man Vs. Boudicca 0-3 13. Torva Messor Vs. The Old Crem 10-0 14. The Quim Reaper Vs. BuffaloPhil 3-3 15. Wormfarmer Vs. The Old Lady 6-0 Poor Squonk. Cup baptism of fire.

Just seen an excellent rant posted by a Nate White on Quora, after someone asked why many British people don't like Donald Trump: "A few things spring to mind. Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace - all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed. So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief. Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing - not once, ever. I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility - for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman. But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is - his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty. Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers. And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults - he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness. There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface. Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront. Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul. And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist. Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that. He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat. He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege. And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully. That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a bully's snivelling sidekick instead. There are unspoken rules to this stuff - the Queensberry rules of basic decency - and he breaks them all. He punches downwards - which a gentleman should, would, could never do - and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless - and he kicks them when they are down. So the fact that a significant minority - perhaps a third - of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think 'Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that: - Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are. - You don't need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man. This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss. After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum. God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid. He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart. In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws - he would make a Trump. And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish: 'My God… what… have… I… created?’ If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set." My apologies for the loss of paragraph separation and its somewhat ad hoc replacement during that copy paste.

John McCririck after a bout of equine flu.

I blame the Jews, the royal family and the Communist cabal running the US government.

Last week I shared an aodeadpool duet with Rosamunde Pilcher hit.

Poor old Dennis is getting a lot of flack at the moment for his pro Brexit stance, mainly from horrible Momentum type rabid new converts to the Labour cause who seem oblivious to the fact that there has always been a solid left wing argument for leaving the EU. Parliament will be a poorer place without him IMO. For those interested in the great man's work, check out this clip of a tired and irritable Skinner savaging David Dimbleby the morning after the surprise Tory election victory in 1992. Allegedly this performance was the reason why Skinner was never invited on to Question Time during Dimbleby's tenure.

Pentecostal minister Paul Cain dead of pneumonia at 89. Cup pick. https://www.premier.org.uk/News/World/US-evangelist-Paul-Cain-dies-aged-89

Congratulations to Chorizo for having a solo with Prince Leonard of the Hutt River.

You got it. Colleagues screwed up Arya poster - wtf? Colleagues = associates 'screwed up' indicates an anagram 'Arya poster wtf' = Party Fears Two

When I saw that one of his song credits was "Love-itis" at first I thought it said "Love tits"

Sometimes I wish....and I wish really really hard...that Mike Batt could pen a new number for The Wombles and we could get them to the Finals. It would be awesome.

Heidi Toffler, the widow of writer Alvin Toffler, has died at age 89. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/12/obituaries/heidi-toffler-dead.html

Ode to Billy Joe.

Sex Education. Three episodes in and really enjoying this. Lots of sex, nudity and profanity but there's more to it than that. It's funny and also emotionally touching in places, with likeable characters. Slightly odd as it's set in an American style school (think Ferris Bueller or Breakfast Club) but with British actors, and it's filmed in Wales. Plus there's a bit of an 80s/90s vibe to it (cars, fashion) but with mobile phones. Like an alternative reality. Some great music too.

Not at all, I just know on occasion that there’s a couple of people who do complain about when an obit is not in English *cough* Paul Bearer *cough*...

The last laugh for Sid Caesar on this day 5 years ago, aged 91.

Cleo Laine maybe

New picture of Dilip Kumar. Looks better than usual.

Hurrah! That's the 30th time my vote for Leah Bracknell has been wrong! To mark this prodigious occasion, I'm going to fucking vote for Leah Bracknell.

BBC Article from 2001: Vietnamese former president Le Duc Anh in irreversible coma and near death, confirmed by his family. Starting to suspect he is actually biologically immortal...

It’s officially a solo. Congrats Faucheuse.

I don't actually think she'll die this year, but I also want an icicle

Oh go on, do tell. With the subject of avatars rearing its head, I was minded that I sent a PM to @Sir Creep a couple or three years ago showing him how he could show his cunt and left foot toes: I was just waiting until someone (preferably him) noticed what I'm up to. However, today's winner is Joey!